Since he hasn’t actually played in more then two games since being traded from the Minnesota Vikings to the Seattle SuperSeahawks, it’s easy to forget that Percy Harvin is a football player. Usually, a pretty good one, too. But his injury history, drug abuse history, temperamental history, fighting with coaches history, migraine history, and being a god damn head case history, generally makes it hard to rely upon him.
All of these things played into the Minnesota Vikings eventually deciding to trade Harvin to the Seahawks in the 2013 offseason, where he then eventually went on to play two games and win a Super Bowl trophy. ….. Oh. BUT! That doesn’t mean he’s not still kind of a shit head, right? Well it’s true.
This whole time, ever since the Vikings traded Harvin, every self respecting Vikings fan has been wondering why exactly the Vikings decided they wanted to trade a top receiver in the league. Was it REALLY just because he was unreliable? Because he liked to fight teammates? OR WAS IT SOMETHING MORE DASTARDLY?!
Percy Harvin said weirdest thing that’s happened to him in Seattle: couple came up to him, male asked if Percy would kiss his wife
— Danny Kelly (@FieldGulls) July 26, 2014
That’s right folks, apparently, as reported by this tweet, and this tweet alone, Percy Harvin is a SWINGER. He kisses – and probably has sex, fornicates, gets excited by anal play, whatever – with other dude’s wives. And probably girlfriends! And why stop there! Mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmoms … Does Percy’s hunger know no bounds? Is this why he had to be traded?
Did Percy acquiesce to a request of Leslie Frazier’s to watch him peck his wife on the cheek? And when Percy obliged, did Leslie demand that he be traded because he couldn’t deal with the SHAME of being a God-fearing man who cuckold his wife out to one of his players? And was Rick Spielman involved working the camera, which is why Spielman fired Frazier, traded Percy, and is still around, because he has the blackmail evidence on everyone? IT’S ALL SO CLEAR NOW.
If this astonishing and ground breaking news is accurate – which I have to believe it is, based purely on this single tweet paraphrasing a secondhand Percy Harvin quote and my own wild conjecture and ridiculous speculation – it really paints the Vikings in a poor light. Trading away one of your best players because he agreed to his coaches demands? That sounds like a team player, not a team cancer, if you ask me.
Either way, Percy returns to the field wearing a different uniform again this fall. Will he continue to make the Vikings pay for their folly? We shall see.