Hey, you know the Green Bay Packers? Yeah, that STORIED franchise that has won a bunch of Super Bowls, that is America’s favorite team, that play in a mud village called “Title Town”, that have just the best, most respectful and super duper players ever? Yeah that one.
Their players are such poors that they have to work at McDonald’s in the off-season.
No joke. The Star Tribune picked up on a story last week about how Green Bay Packers kicker Mason Crosby and linebacker Brad Jones are such a couple of a stupid poors that they can’t even figure out how to make ends meet on an NFL salary. They must spend all their checks throughout the season on bath salts and meth ingredients, but all they can afford is laundry detergent, baking soda, pork belly, and Suave shampoo and conditioner all-in-one. So, they go work at McDonalds in the off-season.
Think McDonald’s is pretty bad? Well, it is. You’re a stupid poor if you work at McDonald’s. You also probably don’t have a GED or a car newer than 1993. On top of that, you also probably are excited to “move up” one day from working at McDonald’s to working as a “Sandwich Artist” at Subway. That’s what Packers cornerback Jarrett Bush and Hall of Fame tight end Paul Coffman have done now, too. That’s their high point in life; wearing a Subway visor and toasting neckbeard’s flatbread meatball subs. What a life.
Think about how much more different Coffman’s entire life would have been if he would have played with the Vikings for his ENTIRE career, instead of just one in 1988. That’s how poor the guy was after eight miserable years in Green Bay … He had to take a pity season in Minnesota just to get paid enough to break even in his career. It’s not like a football team in the state of WISCONSIN could afford to pay anyone in real, American currency. They typically only trade services for diesel and hard salami. I mean, why do you think Aaron Rodgers is playing there?
Anyway, the Packers team markets these off-season jobs as part of their annual tailgate tour, some kind of promotional event to get fans to interact with the players. But we all know it’s a complete lie. If this was a real tailgating event, wouldn’t the players actually be doing stuff at a tailgate instead of in a kitchen full of poor people who serve food to poor people? Also, the whole minimum wage paychecks are a dead give away, Packers, so figure that out.
Poor people. Ha.