sad packers fan

Packer Fan Loses His Mind After Playoff Loss

Hey, Packer bros, we get it. Losing is hard. If ANYONE is going to understand that, you know it's your Vikings brothers in the NFC North that can understand that more than anyone. The Lions fans don't really get it. They've never really known any level of success. And the Bears fans don't suffer like we do. They have hockey and basketball and whatever else. It's different for us. We're both tied to our football teams. And so the losing hurts just a little bit more. I understand.

But for the love of good, act like you've lost before, OK?

Listen, your team wasn't even THAT good this year. You only won eight games. You got into the playoffs because of Jay Cutler's vagina and Matthew Stafford's fat rolls and Christian Ponder's wife. It's not like you deserved to. And the rest of the NFL proved why on Sunday, as the 49ers dry humped you into submission. I mean, come on … The game wasn't even that close, and if you thought it was you're just kidding yourself. We already talked about how there TOTALLY WEREN'T ANY PENALTIES CALLED IN YOUR FAVOR during the game. If the game would have been called correctly by the refs, it would have been a 49ers blow out. It's just fact, my man, sorry to break the news to you.

And so just relax. Enjoy the offseason. Start talking about the draft. You guys always draft well, and develop players well, right? So that's something *fun* to look forward to. Do that. But maybe … JUST MAYBE! … you shouldn't take down all the cool paraphernalia you've hung up in your man cave when you spent so much time getting them to hang JUST right, you know? You'll probably still want your amazing Packers stock option on display in just a few more months, so chill out.

And in the meantime? Go in and laser your shitty tattoos off your back, and release some steam to your favorite wet dream: A woman covered in cheese.

Packer girl in cheese dress

Go to hell, Packers.


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.