Lions Sick of Being Made Fun of, Sign RoboCop to Team

Well, I certainly didn’t PLAN for this week to turn into a Detroit Lions bash-fest, it just kind of happened that way. I mean, this is the long haul of the off-season, and what better entertainment is there than to make fun of the stupidest franchise in your division? I mean, outside of the Packers, of course. And the Bears. And I wouldn’t call us the stupidest, per se, maybe just the most inept. So, of course, that just leaves the Lions! And make fun of them we did, as we joked about an abandoned Silverdome being a “full” Lions game, and pointed out that the only reason Lions’ great Barry Sanders liked the team was because they drafted him. Classic zingers!

Or so I thought, until I learned that the Lions apparently don’t like people making fun of them. When that happens, they bring Robocop on the team.

nick fairley robocop

This picture is, of course, a picture of RoboCop, a fictional police office from the not too distant future re-designed for the “edgy, modern movie goer” of 2014, and Nick Fairley, an overrated defensive tackle for the Lions who isn’t as good as Ndamukong Suh. Duh. What does this pairing mean? Well, it could mean any number of things:

It could mean:

  • Nick Fairley and RoboCop decided to watch a baseball game of the Detroit Tigers together
  • It was RoboCop night at the ball park, and Nick Fairley happened to be there too, possibly throwing out the first pitch
  • RoboCop has jumped from fictional character to real life police enforcer and is trying to recruit Nick Fairley, who he randomly met at a baseball game
  • OR, that the Detroit Lions have decided to sign RoboCop to a 5-year contract to act as defensive enforcer to their shitty squad.

Clearly, after hearing about how much fun the five people over on this blog during the summer have been making fun of them, they decided to go that route.

What does that mean for them? Well, it means their defense won’t be so awful. They’ll have to rely less on crappy, over-their-head safeties trying to take proper angles on receivers, and can instead let RoboCop sit back there and shoot anyone he sees fit. Or arrest them. Or whatever he does. What does this mean for the Vikings, then, if the Lions have all of a sudden become a force on defense?

Nothing. Are you kidding me? Adrian Peterson will destroy this stupid robot. You don’t scare me, RoboCop.


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.