cris carter

Doug Baldwin (Who?) Thinks He’s Better Than Cris Carter

Doug Baldwin Sucks

Hey, you know Doug Baldwin? … No? … Yeah, me neither. I think he's the bastardized Baldwin brother, even more ridiculed than Stephen, who looks like he has Downs Syndrome. So it goes Alex, Daniel, William "Billy", Stephen, and then DOUG or something, who is a real piece of crap.

OR. Or, if this "Doug Baldwin" isn't actually a Baldwin Brother, then he's maybe some forgettable receiver for the Seattle Seahawks, who just won the Super Bowl, and now he thinks he's better than Hall of Fame receiver and former Minnesota Viking, Cris Carter.

So, clearly, if you needed any other reason to hate the Seattle Seahawks any more than you already do, please, keep reading!

In full, after Doug Baldwin totally won the Super Bowl for the Seahawks all by himself, he had this to say about Cris Carter:

"That dude [Cris Carter] that said we were appetizers, he told me to Google him. And I did Google him, but I didn't see any Super Bowl appearances. I did see two losses in the conference championships, so I have a Super Bowl ring that I will gladly show to him. And if he doesn't have time to come see it, tell him he can Google it."

Jesus, dude, you're 25 years old. What are you so upset about? That an adult basically called you a young man? HOW INACCURATE!

But really, what did Cris Carter do to this Doug Baldwin that made Baldwin yellow his sea-pants? Carter apparently called Baldwin and his fellow Seahawk's wideout Jermaine Kearse "appetizers." I don't even know what that means. I don't think Cris Carter even knows what that means. He eventually said it meant just that the Seahawks starters were injured, so the "appetizers" got the main course? Or something? I don't know how this works. It doesn't matter. Cris Carter says tons of stupid shit. Why take this one so personal?

But apparently Baldwin did, and now – because he has a Super Bowl ring – he's better than Cris Carter ever was. Just like how Tarvaris Jackson is just as good as Peyton Manning, and how Percy Harvin is super deserving of a Super Bowl ring, too. Because we all know that Baldwin's career totals of 1,932 yards and 12 receiving touchdowns KILLS Cris Carter's totals of …. 13,899 and 130 touchdowns?

Shut up, Doug Baldwin. God, Seattle just sucks the worst.


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.