It was a only the most subtle of tweets from last week that brought this to our attention, but apparently, Minnesota Vikings left tackle is opening a pizza place:
— matt Kalil (@Mattkalil) April 10, 2014
There are so many questions that arise from this simple confirming tweet, that I don’t even no where to start. Except, of course, with a new Purple Jesus Diaries feature we’re simply calling “25 Questions About Something.” Or something. I need a better name.
But really … Matt Kalil is opening a pizza place? I MUST KNOW MORE!
- Is Matt Kalil opening a pizza place in, of all places, Mankato, as his tweet indicates?
- Why would he open one in Mankato?
- Why wouldn’t he open one closer to where he plays during the season, in like Minneapolis, or Edina, or Eden Prairie, or whatever other western suburb neighborhood all the players live in?
- Does Matt Kalil actually love pizza THAT MUCH to open his own pizza place?
- Does Matt Kalil have some kind of secret family recipe that is going to make his pizza place stand out amongst his competitors?
- Will the pizza at Matt Kalil’s pizza place be cheap enough to appeal to STD ridden, drunk Mankato college kids?
- Will Matt Kalil offer gluten free pizza crusts at his pizza place?
- What will the name of Matt Kalil’s pizza place be?
- Will Matt Kalil call his pizza place “The Purple Pepperoni”?
- Will Matt Kalil call his pizza place “Deep Dish Pancakes”?
- Will Matt Kalil call his pizza place “The 75 Incher”?
- Is Koren Robinson going to be working at Matt Kalil’s pizza place?
- Will Matt Kalil’s pizza eventually become the official pizza of the Minnesota Vikings?
- Isn’t “Kalil” an off-shoot of a Muslim-surname variation?
- Do Muslims make really good pizza I don’t know about?
- Is Matt Kalil Muslim and I am just learning this?
- Will Randy Moss hate Matt Kalil’s pizza place?
- Will Matt Kalil’s pizza place fare better than Matt Birk’s “Matty B’s Urban Bar and Restaurant“?
- Will Matt Kalil’s pizza place fare better than Randy Moss’ “Jamba Juice” locations?
- Did Matt Kalil just spend all of his rookie contract earnings on opening a pizza place in Mankato?
- Doesn’t that seem like a poor investment?
- Who is this guy’s financial adviser?
- Is Matt Kalil’s pizza place going to be a family owned and operated business?
- Will Matt Kalil himself ever be working there?
- Will Matt Kalil’s mom serve her “pizza pie” there, too?
If so, I’ll totally be going. If anyone else visits this summer in Mankato, let us know.