Once again we’re back to that post-draft sex sheen we all get when we start talking about young men in shorts who are now OURS. And since it coincides with the beginning of the long NFL offseason, we’ll take our damn time in reviewing each Vikings draft pick from 2014. In Purple Jesus Diaries’ NFL Draft-or-Bust Off 2014, we continue our amateur insight into the draft picks by reviewing our fifth round pick, offensive linemen David Yankey …
David Yankey, not to be confused with a real New York Yankee, was an offensive guard at Stanford, and projected well to playing right tackle or a guard position in the NFL. Since we already have Galactus, the Destroyer of Worlds in Phil Loadholt on the right side, take on solid guess where Yankey might play. At 6’6″ and 315 pounds, he’s about twice as tall and half as heavy as your mom, and is as good on his feet as she is on her knees. BOOSH! He’s also quite the bucket of nuggets. Consider these things about the most interesting player on the Vikings roster:
- Born in Sydney, Australia, Yankey effectively was born on an island of criminals
- Attended high school in Roswell, Georgia, so he’s also basically an alien
- Attended college at Stanford University, so he’s definitely smarter than all four of the PJD readers combined
- His middle name is “Famiyekyi”, which I assume is pronounced just as it sounds, which means I have no idea how it’s pronounced
- Yankey was also born in 1992, which was the year you remember buying Vanilla Ice on cassette tape, so how old do you feel now?
All in all, much more interesting than Charlie Johnson.
There’s a couple of ways we could go with Yankey … I like the idea of playing off of the New York Yankee motif just to piss off Twins fans, because Twins fans are the worst. Something charming though, like “The Damn Yankey“, would make it both acceptable and scathing for Twins fans to use at the same time. Or, since he was born in Australia, something like “OC: Offensive Criminal” would work too. Or, if we needed a dick joke, “Yank my David” always works too. Thoughts?
SIX TO MIDNIGHT
So what makes Yankey such a sought after prospect, or at least a good get for the Vikings in the fifth round? I mean, it’s the fifth round. No one good ever comes to teams late in the draft EXCEPT OHH MAHH GAWWD TAAHHMM BRADY WAS DRAFTED LATE IN THE DRAFT! Well, Yankey comes from Stanford, where they’ve been known to churn out offensive linemen of late. And it’s not like he was just a bit player during his time there. He was a consensus All-American in 2012 and 2013, where the Cardinals went 12-2 and 11-3 respectively. He’s also fairly large for an offensive linemen, but lean, so he’s not just a fat slob like some OTHER offensive linemen who have been Vikings recently. In short, he’s a prototypical linemen that normal fans have no idea how to really judge, so what the hell am I even talking about.
SHE’S GOT A HEADACHE!
But let’s judge him anyway! The knock on Yankey is that he’s probably not as athletic as some freak specimen that would anchor a tackle spot. But really, that’s fine. That’s not what the Vikings need on their offensive line. There is some concern that Yankey also may be a bit stiff, isn’t fluid enough in his hips (poor girlfriend!), and may struggle one-on-one with quicker interior defensive linemen. I guess this all means that you shouldn’t just rely on him to be a one-man offensive line, which is great. Who would do that, you know?
He seems to be able to run block well, so drafting him to a team with Adrian Peterson seems like a smart move. Who would have thought that??!
When it all comes down to it, Yankey was supposed to be drafted in the second or third round. He ended up lasting until the fifth, and the Vikings got him. And they needed some help on the offensive line, particularly at potential left guard starter material, or swing offensive linemen that could be valuable depth. So, they drafted Yankey and hit on both, bringing great value from this draft spot.
The question is always; can he start over Charlie Johnson whom we all loath? Probably. But Yankey (and the Vikings) have the luxury where they don’t necessarily HAVE to start him right away. He can work on his technique, getting his feet quicker, and whatever else offensive linemen do to be good. I have no idea. And, if he does ever get to the starting position, he’s likely going to be the fifth most important guy out of all of them. From Kalil Sullivan to Fusco and Loadholt, the rest of the line is pretty set. We just need someone, like Yankey or otherwise, to step in and take some reps when bros get injured or tired, or possibly take over for Charlie Johnson to solidify the starting rotation.
A drunk monkey could do any of that, so I’m pretty sure a guy from Stanford could as well.