The best day of the spring is finally here! After being postponed for some stupid reason in 2014 by the NFL brain trust, the NFL Draft has finally arrived. Baseball takes a back seat, NBA playoffs are pushed back down their rabbit hole as second fiddle, and no one even mentions hockey. Because the NFL RULEZ, even if we’re just talking about boys making millions of dollars.
Tonight’s first round has plenty of intrigue, even if you’re a Browns fan. For Vikings fans, we finally get to see just how devastating “trying” was last season. We could be picking in the top three, had we lost some additional, meaningless games under Les Steckel II last year. Instead, we’re probably looking at a situation where we’ll be trading back in the first round to draft a player not named Johnny Manziel. DAMMIT, LESLIE!
Regardless, there will be some ups, some downs, some head scratchers, probably some booing, hand tossing, and many other things. I have laid out these “promises” to Vikings fans about the NFL draft below:
1. THE VIKINGS WILL TURN IN A DRAFT PICK
It may be late, and it most certainly will not be the draft pick that I would have made, but the Vikings WILL at some point turn in their pick. Oh sure … There WILL be numerous references to how the Vikings failed to do so in the 2003 draft when they eventually picked Kevin Williams (it worked out, but the failure still stands), but that doesn’t mean history will repeat itself. And even then, the Vikings DID technically turn their pick in, it was just late. I can confidently say we will do the same again this year … Turn a pick in, I mean. I just don’t know when.
2. EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE PISSED
The Vikings will trade back, or skip a draft pick, or pick the wrong person, and everyone somewhere is going to be pissed that the team – who does meticulous research across numerous prospects for months and years on end – didn’t follow their hastily scribbled together draft board that was put together over the last two weeks. “How dare you didn’t pick the player I heard about once and haven’t watched film on!” Listen, the Vikings certainly aren’t perfect, and have had their fair share of draft bombs, but quit acting like your some Kevin Coster in a Draft Day movie and not the beer swilling couch potato you actually are.
3. AFTER THE TOP 8 PICKS, I WON’T KNOW ANYONE LEFT ON THE BOARD
And number two goes for me, as well. There are literally DOZENS of prospects that 32 NFL teams get to choose from. All the real good ones are gone by mid-first round. The next 50 or so are all people you saw make one play once while skimming college football games over the last four years, and now have valuable insight on. Or not! Because you don’t actually know anything about those guys, so quit acting like it. And, if you’ve spent the last two months meticulously reviewing every single prospect with your own free time … What the hell, man. The Vikings can only draft so many people. Watch a movie or something.
4. WE’RE GOING TO PASS ON A QUARTERBACK
We’re apparently not trading Ponder, and Zach Mettenberger smokes too much weed for our tastes (allegedly). Johnny Manziel will likely be gone by the number eight pick, and something called Blake Bortles is out there. Will Teddy Bridgewater fall to us? Will the Vikings actually draft him? I say no, and am pretty much convinced we land someone we are totally unfamiliar with in the first round, or some type of defensive stud Mike Zimmer will make boyfriend with. Either way, we’re all going to be up in arms about not drafting a quarterback who probably won’t do that well anyway in the NFL.
5. RICK SPIELMAN WILL ACT LIKE THIS WAS HIS PLAN ALL ALONG
After all the dust settles tonight, you just KNOW Rick Spielman is going to walk to a podium and drop the proverbial “We got exactly who we wanted” line. Tried and true, and such a load of poop.
Either way, enjoy the draft, and we’ll break the first round action down tomorrow. Probably.