"Hi VIKTOR the VIKING, thanks for coming to the studio today. We're just going to do some casual photos, nothing major, just get some great material that you can take with you and that you will appreciate. Don't worry, don't worry … This is all going to be very tasteful, and we aren't going to ask you to do anything that you're not comfortable with, OK? … No, not at all. This is going to be YOUR special day, it's all about you. I mean look at you! You're absolutely stunning. The camera isn't going to have to do any work at all. It's going to be amazing.
"So let's get you in front of the camera and take some photos."
"Now, just relax. Do you want some water? Tea or something? … Sure, we can a mimosa for you. That should take the edge right off. … Another already?! No problem! They're bottomless … Unlike you! Haha, I'm just playing. Relax! Have fun!
"Here, let me take your heavy coat, you won't want that under the lights. It'll be too hot. Perfect, perfect. … Boy, you look tense. Relax! We're just here to have fun. Here, let me help you calm down. … There you go, a nice shoulder massage should help. Yes, definitely. You look much more calm already. Glad this is helping. Alright, let's take a couple of photos first.
"OK, now stand in front of the camera. … Well, heh, not just stand, let's do some poses … No, no, again, nothing you aren't comfortable with. Why not just wave to the camera first? Perfect! Easy, right? OK, what about some football poses? Pretend you're catching a pass … Haha, perfect! That's a fun one. See? You look great! Nice form … and body! Alright, what about that pose you do when you're waving a team flag? That one's really imposing. … Awesome! Great job. OK, let's do one more, like a hand's on your hips pose, make you look real tough! … Wow, that is a GREAT shot! See?? You're a natural at this! This is a really great photo shoot today. You're doing so well.
"OK, I think we got some really awesome ones. We still have some time if … Another mimosa? Sure. Here you go … Nice, nice. So, we still have some time, and these photos are just perfect, really great. But I didn't know if you wanted to try anything more? I know you have several fans who would love a more exciting photo, if you know what I mean … No, not anything inappropriate, of course not … But maybe just a sexy pose? I mean, your body is so great for it, you could really pull it off. … Yeah, just a seductive one where you really draw your fans in. They'll gobble it up, I promise. Here … Let's have you lean on the floor, get comfortable … Yup … And now lean back a little bit … Yes, yes … A put your leg up a bit … There! Now relax. … Wow … Heh, wow this is … No, no! It's amazing. It's REALLY good! Here, look. You look so sexy like this …
"Right?! Wow, that will be the perfect picture. So awesome! I think that's a wrap, you nailed it! Well done.
"So we'll just finish these up and get them sent off to you by training camp so you can hand them out to those special someones. I won't have to do any touch up work or anything just from looking at these … I mean, my God, you're just flawless! But we'll have these to you as soon as possible. Nice work today! You're a natural!"