stafford hall

Surprise! Matthew Stafford is Awful (And So Are the Lions)

Sad Matthew Stafford

Remember that one year when the Detroit Lions were good? It seems like it was probably back when Detroit was actually a thriving metropolis, but it was actually just in 2011. They went 10-6 that year, made the playoffs, and then got bounced in the first round. Kind of sounds like the 2012 Vikings, actually, but don't tell anyone that. 

But if you were to try and figure out WHY the team did so well that year, what would you say? Maybe Calvin Johnson was playing out of his mind? Maybe the defense applied pressure to opposing teams? Maybe their coach wasn't being stupid about handshakes for once? Sure, all of those things might have been a factor. Maybe even the biggest factor. But I'll tell you what WASN'T a factor:

Matthew Stafford playing well against teams with a winner record. Because in his career, he's 1-23 against teams with a winning record. PFFFFTTTT!!

Now, don't get me wrong here. It's not like I'm sitting here and comparing Matthew Stafford to the Vikings quarterback, Christian Ponder, and saying that the Purple are a way better team because of who is slinging the rock around for them. I think we all know I'm not smoking enough weed to make a statement like that, especially ever since Percy left town. And I think if you were to ask any Vikings fan how they felt about Ponder, you'd find plenty of fans who are still on the fence about whether or not he can be a franchise quarterback. So there's no real comparison there. Talent wise, I'd still probably rather have Matthew Stafford over Christian Ponder, BBBUUUUUTTTTTTTT ……..

By my count, Ponder's record against teams with a winning record (in games he has started) is 5-11. That's not fantastic, but it technically is better than 1-24. Which is really bad, by the way. Really bad. Here are Stafford's game break downs:

Stafford game stats

That's just ugly, man. And I guess I don't know what Detroit's excuse is. Maybe Stafford gets a little too careless with the ball in critical times. Didn't he throw two interceptions to Chad Greenway one year? I mean, that's bad football. Or maybe they just continue to ignore drafting for their offensive line, or defensive backfield. I feel like I've watched the draft three years in a row now where a pretty damn good OL or CB would pop up at their turn, and I'd think to myself, "Dammit, now the Lions are going to get good" only to see them draft another defensive tackle or Titus Young. Stupid, forgetful Lions.

Either way, I don't care. It just means the Vikings don't have to worry about coming in fourth in the NFC North this year or any subsequent year while Stafford is playing teams with a winning record. Because the odds of us beating them out are apparently pretty good.

However, his girlfriend Kelly Hall is pretty hot, so he does have that going for him.


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.