Jury Still Out on Ponder
So, despite the Vikings losing to the Detroit Lions 24-34 in spectacular fashion on Sunday, I think the jury is still out on Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder. I've come to this conclusion after one regular season game. That conclusion is basically that he needs more time to show his talents, to have all of the stars line up, and to show the Vikings fans he has that one great game in him. Hey, I've been harping on Ponder more than anyone in the Vikings blogosphere, but I realized after Sunday I need to take a step back. I mean, look at all these unfair road blocks set in Ponders way that have prevented him from really coming into his own:
– He had to play on the road. That's not ideal.
– Peterson refused to run for over 200 yards in this game. How is Ponder suppose to hit his receivers if the defense doesn't put all 11 guys in the box?
– The new uniforms probably constrict in different ways, and Ponder still isn't use to that. It's not fair to expect him to be a good quarterback in weird uniforms. And the purple pants?! Come on!
– He slept in a hotel room last night that had the air conditioning on too high, and it left him with a real sore throat Sunday morning.
It's pretty obvious. As much as we'd all like to say "We've seen enough of you Ponder. You've started 27 games, three years, and you look just as awful as you always have. You refuse to get better and are incapable of making quarterback reads, basic passes, or accurate deep balls. Please retire", that's really not fair. We just still haven't SEEN Ponder's potential yet because he hasn't been put in the right situations. So, it's just not fair. Personally, I think the jury is still out on Ponder, and we should all just cheer him on because he's a Vikings player and we should all cheer on any and all Vikings players because they are Vikings players.
Mushroom Stamp of Disapproval
Jesus, just kidding. Ponder is the absolute worst, and if there is anyone out there still supporting his potential to become a franchise quarterback for the Vikings, they need to get their head checked. They've likely had more concussions than Junior Seau. Ponder has shown zero improvement since the first game he played in. Honestly. He still stares down his receivers, still runs out of the pocket after his first option is covered, still can't throw an accurate deep ball … I mean, what the hell are we waiting for? What do the coaches think is still going to show up? The guy is just a terrible, terrible, NFL quarterback. I'm sorry. He's probably a real cool guy, but my god, please don't play on my football team, I beg you. You're killing me, you're killing Adrian Peterson's career, and Greg Jennings is having a heart attack thinking about what he's just committed himself to for the next five years. I feel the same thing, Greg. Bro-feels.
The Shit List
But let's be honest, Ponder isn't the only issue. He's bad, but he could potentially be mediocre if the offensive line decided they didn't want to end his career themselves. They have looked like poop all preseason, and it continued to the first game. I'm afraid Kalil got feeling too cool and has slacked. Hopefully he got a reality slap this game. Charlie Johnson is still on the team, so think about that. The defense has some serious problems too. People still think Kevin Williams is overrated and over his prime? Can't make an impact anymore? Overpaid? We don't need him? Well, I present to you the game versus the Lions and how those garden gnomes somehow managed to penetrate us right up the middle, all the way up to our throats. It was disgusting. And I'd like to call out Bill Musgrave and his years and years of horrendous play calling, but what is he supposed to do? Ask Ponder to turn shit into diamonds? Ask Ponder to turn himself into a diamond? It's impossible. But still, what the hell Musgrave. Figure it out. Steal Navy's playbook or something. All they do is run, too. They at least beat Indiana this weekend.
Nipples and Notes
Lot's of other really awesome and fun things happened in the Vikings first game of the 2013 season! Hurray! Let's talk about them before I cut my wrists!
– One more thing on Ponder. You have zero excuses left, buddy. Jennings, Patterson, Peterson, Rudolph, Wright, even Simpson. How much more talent do you need around you? It doesn't take a genius to complete a dump off, or to even throw it out of bounds instead of an interception. JESUS.
– Harrison Smith is probably the only good thing we have going for us in the defense right now. Xavier Rhodes will catch up eventually, but getting Calvin Johnson for your first assignment is a real kick in the ass.
– Jeff Locke had a pretty rough outing. His punts were inconsistent, and it looked like he was fumbling with a couple of snaps on PATs. Chris Kluwe, my heart, where are you?
– Hey, congrats to Jerome Simpson and the best game he's ever had, probably. But I don't think I'm convinced that he should have been playing more to the detriment of Cordarrelle Patterson. The couple of plays he had out there he looked dynamic and awesome. What's the point of trading up for an explosive draft pick if you're not going to use them?
– Speaking of "where the hell were they", let's talk about Desmond Bishop. Was he even on the field? Should he have been? I feel like his last two preseason games were ridiculously well played, and he was ready to bring some punch to our defense. I didn't see him out there once, and I'm wondering if Erin Henderson should have been out there as long as he was.
– Oh, we also have Kyle Rudolph on the roster. THROW HIM THE GOD DAMN BALL.
– Over 27 games, Christian Ponder still hasn't reached the statistical numbers of Aaron Rodgers' 2012 season. Think about that.
Super Depressing Haiku
Hey Suh, can you share,
What you did to Sullivan?
Will share with QB.
I don't WANT to say "I told you so" to all the Ponder-pologist nerds who were yelling at me to give him a chance this season, but yes I do. Folks, it's going to be a long season. We're not going to bench Ponder until the season is essentially lost, which means we have at least half a year of us losing all our games, or playoff elimination late in the year before we finally play him to his death or bench him for MBT. Either way, the final season in the Metrodome is going to be quintessentially Vikings. Buckle up.