Keeping the Dream Alive
We did it, you guys! We accomplished our goal! We are the best! The Minnesota Vikings made a game plan for their game against the Seattle Seahawks on Sunday, and they executed it to perfection. They started Christian Ponder because they knew he was THE quarterback that could get us to our goal (although Matt Cassel didn't do too bad either), and the team was able to leave with their prize intact. In fact, thanks to the crazy world of the NFL, the Vikings are actually looking BETTER after this week than they did the week prior.
But how could we say that? I mean, you look at the box score and you see that the Vikings had their teeth kicked in, 41-20 by the Seahawks. It was a fraternity beating, a bully stealing lunch money, or an iPod, whatever kids do these days. The Vikings were playing with fool's gold the entire first half, keeping the score within a touchdown before they let their true colors show. And that was probably enough, because winning a stupid game against the Seahawks in November isn't what our goal is this year. No, no. Nononono. We need to LOSE! And likely lose convincingly, every single week, so that we don't have any more "moral" wins throughout the year, no more games where Christian Ponder is making you re-think if he could – at the very least – be a stop gap while we bring along a real franchise quarterback.
No, don't worry about that now. Loses against the Seahawks are the PERFECT kinds of losses for this team right now. They are demoralizing, embarrassing, career defining. This game IS Christian Ponder. This game IS Leslie Frazier's legacy for the Vikings. Now that we have those things, we can go forward by firing everyone and rebuilding to something better. A loss to the Seahawks? Totally worth it! Let's do more of that!
Mushroom Stamp of Disapproval
Oh, Christian Ponder. You are so bad, man. So bad. If your last game to see the field as a Viking is against the Seahawks where you throw two of the worst interceptions the NFL has ever seen, I'll be alright with that. It's not as good as not playing any more this year because the Bears gave you a concussion on a frozen turf, but it's a close second. Your 129 passing yards, two interceptions, and 53% quarterback rating is all I ever need to know about you. And while you certainly aren't the worst part about this team this year (I wouldn't want to steal that amazing feat away from the defense!), you are identifiably bad, clearly awful, and that makes moving forward so much easier. So, thanks for that.
I guess I knew Percy Harvin was going to be limited in his first game back from injury, but I really didn't think he was going to be THIS limited. I mean, he had one kick return and one reception? Sure, he was probably in on more plays than that obviously, but we all know how boss that guy is, so I'm surprised he didn't get more burn. But even so, he essentially was responsible for 14 points with his two plays, as each were critical plays at critical times that led to touchdowns. It's a good thing we valued the feelings of a wash out quarterback over a passionate head case, because those passionate head case receivers never end up doing well, do they Randy Moss? Stupid franchise. I love you Percy, don't ever change you pot smoking delinquent.
Things are looking good!! OK, so Jacksonville is still super bad, and will likely end up with the first drat pick. That Washington game really screwed us, and I hope people get fired for THAT, not for losing all the other ones. But take a look at the standings now. We have Atlanta at 2-8 surprisingly, but they won't be competing with us for a quarterback in the draft. However, Houston and Tampa will be (likely), unless Case Keenum keeps looking like a badass through the end of the season. Tampa, on the other hand, has won two in a row, and may get on a little roll. That would be sweet, as I have been most worried about competing with them for draft spots. Really though, if you look at point differential, we're near the top (bottom?) in the league, so I feel like Tampa scoring points, and Atlanta not being that bad, they can sneak a couple of wins. We certainly don't have one left on the schedule, and Jacksonville and Houston play each other twice over the next three weeks, with winnable games against Buffalo and Tennessee, so – in conclusion – THERE IS HOPE, PEOPLE. There is hope for number one still. Don't mess this up.
Nipples and Notes
What other state-humiliating actions took place in this game? I bet you're too excited to find out, so let's jump to it! *guns self*
– There were FOUR Vikings back up quarterbacks in the stadium yesterday, if you count TarVar Jumpass and his limited action. Not a single starter. What the hell.
– Toby Gerhart looked pretty good in his trade-bait performance. If we could actually trade him, which we can't do now, because the trade deadline is over and he's a free agent at the end. So that's swell.
– This is pretty much how Jarius Wright should have been used and performed in his young career, if he had a quarterback with half a brain throwing to him. I like him. I like his PEEK-A-BOO celebration too, even if you're down by 30 points or whatever.
– Again, John Carlson is your biggest receiving threat in the game. Fold up shop, burn the facilities, the franchise is done.
– You think Harrison Smith would have tipped that TD pass before the half away, or intercepted it, if he wasn't distancing himself from this dumpster fire? I bet there would have been a chance.
– Jared Allen Sack Watch: Did he have one? NO! Glad we didn't trade him, too.
– The Vikings social media accounts and marketing team have been pimping out the fact that Cordarrelle Patterson is like, leading the league in return yard average or something like that. Do you think they ever stopped to be like, "Maybe he leads the league in kick returns because our team sucks so bad, that people are always scoring touchdowns on them, and then have to kick off, and he just says 'SCREW IT' and returns a kick from nine yards deep for no reason, but accrues a bunch of yards all the time"? I bet they haven't asked that, because that would make it less impressive, for sure.
"Hey Les, good try, man."
"Hey Pete, you too – and thanks for
Getting me shit canned."
OK, onto the next. We have one more finger banging with the Packers next week in Wisconsin. Even though Aaron Rodgers is likely dead or something, with this game in Lambeau, and the Vikings sucking so bad, I have a pretty good feeling we'll lose. KEEP THE DREAM ALIVE! TOP OF THE DRAFT! We're so bad.