Oh man, oh, bro, holy dude man, check this out, haha, this is awesome. *tokes some weed*
Percy Harvin almost walked out on the team last year. apparently, and also is having trouble reaching a new contract with the Minnesota Vikings because he wants Calvin Johnson money (8 years, $132 Million) instead of Dwayne Bowe money (About $11 Million a year). His unwillingness to negotiate on that amount is apparently keeping him from going forward with the Vikings, and, man, haha, this dude is high as hell!
I mean, have you ever seen someone smoke so much weed where they think they deserve an EIGHT year contract?! And over $130 Million dollars on top of that? What is this, Alex Rodriguez during the steroid era? Did I smoke so many trees that I slipped through a wormhole that went back into time? Is Full House on TV still? Is John David Booty being recruited by USC still? I'm so hungry, man, let's get some Funyons with your new contract.
And you want WHAT?! Like $130 Million dollars? Sounds good, Dr. Evil, we'll just wire that to your house with some kind bud seeds in an unmarked envelope. Be home between Noon and 2PM this Saturday and watch for a FedEx box. Haha, are you sure that's going to be enough? $130 Million? You may blow through that pretty fast, man. Let's up the ante. Let me run your contract negotiations:
"Hey! Percy Harvin has the following demands that we require to be met before he plays for the Minnesota Vikings, or ANY other NFL team in the coming season:
– One hand rolled joint from the Dead Sea Scrolls
– Eleventy Trillion, four hundred thirty seven billion, nine million, eight hundred fifty six thousand, one hundred thirty four and ten cents worth of Dollar Coins, stamped in separate copper and gold versions, delivered to his house immediately upon signing in dump trucks painted orange
– 20 years guaranteed, with no headache clauses. Not cool, bros
– A promise that whichever team signs Percy commits to also signing John David Booty as the 3rd string quarterback and blunt friend for Percy's career
– A copy of "Airheads" on VHS
– Personalized, licensed, velour gloves for each game day, in "Marijuana Green"
– A pet Alligator named "Boxer"
Once these demands are met, Percy will totally play for you guys when he wants to, and smoke as much weed as he can, because that's how life works, homies. Get with the program."
Haha, man, Percy cracks me up. This is just a classic move by our favorite wide receiver. I hope he never stops smoking.