IT'S REDEMPTION TIME BABY
Finally. We have been waiting for this. It's been so long, such a long time coming. We're ready. It's revenge time. Redemption baby. Redemption is spelled P-E-R-C-Y.
Oh, did you think I meant like the Vikings were going to get redemption on someone? Ha, no, no, no. No, of course I mean Percy Harvin is going to be experiencing the redemption feelings he's had since he blew up on the sidelines the last time the Vikings played Seattle (and lost). It was the start of the end of Percy in Purple, the start of him going into silence mode, professional mode, and the beginning of the Vikings dragging him through the mud as they traded him, justified it to the fans as getting rid of a locker room cancer or some such, and then not being able to back himself up as he was injured. So, finally, he gets to bolt out of the gate on Sunday afternoon, against the team that crapped on his face, and he will probably single handily destroy our team, even though he's likely to only play like 15-20 snaps or something, in what will be his first game actions.
Oh man, it's going to be sweet. Despite the Vikings win last week, it was nothing but a mirage. This team isn't good because they beat the Redskins, and we will be forcibly reminded of that this weekend. Think we've hit rock bottom yet? NOPE. We haven't faced Percy Harvin in Rage Mode yet. Prepare your butts.
Thanks to Opinionless for another game day preview graphic!
Oh Wow, So Doge, Percy Good
Oh man, this Seahawks team. I'm just going to throw this out there as a warning for you right now, but there is a very good chance that shit is about to get REALLY ugly this weekend. I know we're all feeling pretty excited because the defense dropped their balls and played some football last Thursday night against the Redskins, BUT. Remind yourself that those were the Redskins and this is the Seahawks and they are not the same team, they are pretty good, and oh god, why didn't you at least use some saliva before heading to pound town? I don't really expect the likes of the Seahawks defense to let up on a weak-ass Christian Ponder led offense this weekend, and I would doubt that Russell Wilson is going to be too intimidated by Marcus Sherels and Josh Robinson at cornerback. At home. In a late game. When it's probably raining. Just saying, things are kind of stacked against us here.
Jerkyll's and Hydes
But speaking of the defense, I can't help but feel there is maybe like a SLIVER of a chance they are not all complete morons, and their stellar performance in the second half is actually indicative of someone finally deciding to do their job for a little bit. Moving Kevin Williams over to nose tackle clearly helped (even if he doesn't want to do it), and the linebacker play went from suck to blow. So, I mean, can I reasonably expect that, while maybe this defense won't shut the Seahawks down completely, that just MAYBE they can hold them under a billion points? Maybe?
I didn't think so.
Meme of the Week
As we saw early in "Oh wow, so doge, Percy Good", my new favorite meme is DOGE meme. It essentially includes this dog doing stuff. I can't explain it, nor do I really want to, but I encourage you to do more research so that we can al share in the laughter. Thanks.
Jerome Simpson's Scotch of the Week
Hey, did you hear that Jerome Simpson is a drunk driver, allegedly? Yeah, yeah, pretty cool. So what scotch would HE recommend for the weekend? Who knows. He probably drinks Heineken. But the scotch I have for you this week is the Balblair 2001. It's another Highland scotch, which is my favorite kind of scotch (likely because it's the closest scotch relative probably to Kentucky straight bourbon). This also means it's probably easier to drink than a real big peat monster living under your bed. Here, you'll have fresh, malty notes on the nose, with hints of citrus zest and lemon. Even a bit of honey, thyme, and oak will work their way up your air cavities. It will have a big and spicy taste, with more of that malty goodness, lemon and tangerine on the tongue, with a cocoa, malt, and cinnamon finish. It should be enjoyable, unlike the Vikings game. Cheers!
Shirtless Viking of the Week
Is there really any other choice this week? It's Percy Harvin or bust. Or, in some cases, Percy Harvin AND bust! In your pants! Or maybe "sploosh" if you're a lady. Or whatever. Do you think Percy has gotten fat since being injured? I bet he has. He's going to look like an old Kirby Puckett when he gets old himself.
Like pretty much every single game for the rest of the year, I am expecting the Vikings to lose. At this point, it's just a matter of HOW MUCH we'll lose by, particularly when a team like ours is playing a team like theirs on their home field. It's going to be like Rocky cracking eggs to drink, or nerds getting pushed in the dirt, or New Orleans holding water back. It's going to be a blood bath, I'm sorry. And sure, maybe Christian Ponder plays and keeps his streak going of leading the team to another 30+ offensive performance, but what about the defense? Can they keep the Seahawks from topping 45 points? I doubt it. If you have Wilson, Marshawn Lynch, Golden Tate, Percy Harvin, or their defense in fantasy football, you better start them, or you'll have a bad time.
So, yeah. Vikings lose. Big surprise. Keep the top draft pick dream alive. Rinse and repeat until 2014. So football, Vikings stuff. Wow, bad times.