shirtless adrian peterson andrew sendejo

Masturbatory Game 15 Preview: It’s Cassel Time!

Cassel Time

It's Cassel Time!

Well, OK, it was actually kind of Cassel time last week, and it was probably the one time this year we'll see GOOD Cassel time (where he throws more touchdowns than interceptions, mind you), but hey! It could happen again! The biggest part about heading into a game like the Vikings are doing against the Bengals this weekend knowing that Matt Cassel is going to be the starter now, and for the last game of the season, is that for probably the first time in all of 2013, there aren't any big questions or concerns about the other players on the team of who will be throwing them the rock. Think about it, if you're Greg Jennings for a second. If Ponder is starting, you have to mentally try and run your routes shorter so that you don't outrun his 15 yard passes, as oppose to if Cassel is in and WHOA! You better just run normal speed because he can actually throw the ball! The receivers and all the offensive guys will be heading into a game for the second week in a row knowing FO SHO who will be grabbing that team by the balls and squeezing them to win. That might make them focus better, play better, who knows. All I know is that he's a better quarterback than anything else we have on the roster right now by a trillion percent, so sure, why not start him.

Buckle up, kids, we might have a passable football team for the final three weeks of the year. Could get interesting.

Thanks to Redditor Sgt_Slate for the banner image.

Bengals Madden 2004

My Always Bengals Story

Back in the glory days of Madden football on Playstation 2, my buddy and I would always start seasons together where we'd sim through he first year, then pick two of the top worst teams in the NFC and AFC, and go through their draft, build them back up, and try to make them into playoff and Super Bowl contenders. When we simmed through the first year, the Bengals would always be one of the crappiest teams, and I for some reason adopted them as my own. I loved those poor saps. It was at the time when Chad Johnson was just coming on, and maybe before they had Carson Palmer with good knees, too. Or something. Point being, I ended up knowing those older Bengals teams inside and out, and treated them like my baby. So when the Vikings and Bengals play, or at least when they use to play, I always had some odd split feelings. Not so much anymore, other than that I have AJ Green going in fantasy football championships, but my classic Bengal feelings have died with the Ocho Cinco Super Bowl dream.

Teddy Bridgewater Vikings

Can We Stay in the Bridgewater Race?

Really, this topic is just an excuse for me to post this photoshopped picture of Teddy Bridgewater in a Vikings uniform. OH MY GOD, HOW GOOD DOES IT LOOK?! In reality, we're probably so far out of the race for a top pick at this point that we should probably just win out for the rest of the year. That will make us look like idiots then when we eventually fire Leslie Frazier too, the guy who kept a locker room together through two rough seasons and showcased two years of having strong December play, despite the smoking turd that Rick Spielman dumped on his chest as far as players on the roster goes. Thanks Rick!

Meme of the Week

Until the day I die, I will never tire of the Antonio Banderas GIF. This GIF, if you are unaware, hit the ground running HARD when marketing campaigns and information for the next gen consoles came out. I think i already highlighted it this year, but I don't even care, it deserves a second shot, because it's that amazing. This past week, Kotaku linked to a full on 35 minute video of all the GIFs that were made based on this one reaction shot of Banderas, and it's pretty much 35 minutes of why the internet is a gift from God. Also, any time you find yourself able to use this GIF in an internet conversation, you better God damn well use it.

Glenrothes select reserve

Scotch of the Week

I've been digging through The World Atlas of Whisky by Dave Broom recently, and for any type of whisky lover (Single malts to Kentucky straight bourbons to Japanese whisky), this book is pure gold. The pants dropping shots of Scotland in it alone are enough to at least warrant a spot on your coffee table. But it also includes a create cross reference tasting guide, and reviews different whisky makes by including "Where to next?" suggestions of items that are similar. It's a treasure trove of discovery, and well worth the purchase. I mean, it's like $30 f*cking dollars on Amazon. Buy it already. Point being, I've found a couple in here I have not bought before that I am making a point of writing down to remind myself while I'm standing in front of a wall of whisky in a liquor store to purchase, like the Glenrothes: Select Reserve, which sounds pretty damn amazing. Zesty and a rich fruit nose, thick marmalade and toasted cereal notes, silky smooth on the palate with finishing notes of vanilla and oak, why the hell would I not plug this into my veins? SO EXCITE.

Shirtless Viking of the Week

After last week's big win, the photographers for the Vikings knew they needed a little pick me up for the fans to keep the momentum rolling, so they went ahead and got some prettay, prettay good shots of shirtless Adrian Peterson in the Vikings locker room last week. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Not only do we get the bonus shot of Peterson looking like a 300 warrior, but we get White Guy Chest with Andrew Sendejo in the background, too! Double bonus! And everyone had a wonderful Christmas time because of it. You're welcome.

Adrian Peterson bengals

Bengal Tiger Predictions

I got a weird feeling that the Vikings are going to pull out another win this weekend. Maybe it's because the Bengals have had such an up and down season, or that they need to win this more and they'll choke like normal, or that their offensive line has injuries that may cause them to be playing unfamiliar people in unfamiliar positions (that didn't bother your mom last night, though), but I feel like – once again, like versus the Eagles – the Vikings may just be dumb enough to win this. AND! With Adrian Peterson likely returning (And Durrheart, but whatever), we'll see what Cassel can possibly do again with more time leading the starters in practice throughout the week, and the best god damn running back in the NFL behind him scaring the stripes off the Bengals.

Whatever, I'll call a Vikings win because it will screw things up, and that's what we do. Why not.

Enjoy the game, folks. And the holiday. If anyone finds out where I can buy some Shiner Bock Holiday Cheer locally in the Twin Cities, I'll send you a signed Vikings player gift. I swear to god. Leave confirmed Shiner appearances in the comments.


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.