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Wider Seats, More Nachos: Vikings Fans Stadium Requests

Last week, the Minnesota Vikings, architects from HKS Sports & Entertainment, and city representatives hosted their own community forum, mock-scene from Parks & Recreation as they invited Vikings fans to share some of the ideas and dreams they had for the new stadium to be built. HKS, the architectural firm from Dallas who has won the design bid, attended with open ears, hoping to get an idea from Minnesotans and Vikings fans of what they think will make the new stadium a fair representation of this state and franchise.

Many, many ideas were shared, from seats with more leg room so you wouldn't have to stand when someone left the row, to retractable roofs, to a design that looked like an old Vikings castle of old (Vikings lived in castles?). Some of the ideas were great, and no doubt will be taken into consideration when the new stadium is being designed.

However, some weren't. And thanks to our carefully placed moles inside of the public forum, Purple Jesus Diaries was able to hear ALL of the requests made by the worst type of people of all … Your average Minnesotan. After the jump, we've presented some of the best of the worst suggestions to you. And don't worry … A Vikings blog that specializes in Shirtless Vikings pictures probably lies all the time can definitely be trusted on accurate reporting:

Vikings Fans Stadium Ideas

A taste of some of the suggestions that, we'll say, probably won't make the cut, provided as a direct quote from Vikings fans and Minnesotan fans heard at the public forum:

– "We need more food on a stick. It's hard for me to hold both my foam finger and my basket of chicken fingers and still be able to eat them all during the first quarter. Chicken Fingers on a stick would be great. So would the sauces. Put those on a stick too, so my wife can apply it to my mouth after I take a chicken bite."

– "Why do we have to settle for only two kinds of nachos? There's a poor version and a rich version. The rich version isn't even all that much better. They say the cheese sauce taste different, but it doesn't. I snuck down to the lower level during a preseason game and tried some, and it was the same cheese flavor. The chips were better though, organic I think, and the jalapenos were fresher. But why not offer chicken or beef selections? Or walleye? Walleye nachos would be VERY Minnesotan!"

– "I must express my discontent with the current width of the majority of the Metrodome's seats. When I sit to watch an enjoyable football engagement, the arm rests dig into my massive hip bones, leaving bruises until mid-week. Can we not have specially built wider seats, maybe every other seating option? They could also pass as parent and baby seats, of love seats, for people who like to get cozy during a game. However, if that marketing approach is used, I demand that there be a love seat for excessively larger people as well, the equivalent of four current seats, so I may nuzzle my walrus companion during a live action game."

– "Why not put seats right down on the teams' sidelines? Having fans sitting right next to the players on our team would no doubt provide a great morale boost for them, because we're always positive, and it would give the home team a clear advantage as we could provide misinformation to the visitors on the opposing sidelines. They would definitely trust our judgment, because we watch the team a lot!"

– I've always been frustrated that there has been no place to park my pick up inside the stadium, so I can watch the game like it was a drive-in movie theater."

– "The perfect idea would be to have one section of the stadium be for all those Somali's we keep letting move into the city. Keep them away from my family during this very wholesome outing of men beating the hell out of each other!!"

– "We should have specific sections of the stadium named after old Vikings behaviors. And if we do, I want to call dibs on lifetime season tickets in the 'LEGITIMATE RAPE ZONE.' It'll be the section adjacent to the red zone on each endzone. Brilliant, right?!"

– "I have been extremely disappointed by the limited size of fountain soft drink cups. When your large is only a 48 ounce container, how is that suppose to last you an entire game? I continually have to get up and buy another beverage to slosh around in my gullet for the second half. It's a waste of time."

– "There should be video boards on both sides of the endzones, big ones, and on those screens it should show pictures, and on the one that the visitors always see it should show lots of pictures of dicks, because dicks would confuse them, and then the Vikings could win, and then other people could look at dicks while they also watch football, so that is a good idea."

– "I would suggest just putting a winning product on the field. Fuck the stadium."

Good ideas of GREAT ideas?! You be the judge. Let's hear your new stadium ideas in the comments.


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.