THE CHIPS HAVE STARTED FALLING, YA’LL!!
WHAT? Oh, so Patrick Brown, a back-up offensive linemen who spent the 2012 season on the active 53-man roster for the Vikings, became the first unrestricted free agent who spent the previous year with the team to re-sign to a contract. BOOM, SUPER BOWL BLOUSES.
WHO? I don’t know. I thought Patrick Brown was black, to be honest with you, but he’s a white guy who played college football at Central Florida. Am I blowing your mind yet? How about this? He may be the Purple Jesus in training, as he was born on December 25, 1986. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!? Brown has bounced around in the NFL ever since 2009 when he went undrafted and signed with the Carolina Panthers. He then spent time with the Patriots, the Jets, the Dolphins, and the Vikings again. Poor guy. Do you think he has kids that he’s had to move around to schools this whole time? What a shit job. Although it can’t be that bad, as he did just re-sign for $540,000. That’s a pretty decent one year salary. In conclusion, I have no idea if he collected a single statistic or saw a significant minute of playing time last year. All I know is that he looks to be a fixture in 2012 for the Minnesota Vikings.
SO WHAT? Well, you know, Brown, he’s, just, such a guy, who, plays football, and will likely, help, or not, this team, on the offensive line by, having arms. …. I don’t know what this means. If anything, it might indicate that the team has identified some early players that they feel they can develop and wanted to lock up early in the signing period. I guess Brown is one of those guys? Could he be a decent back-up, playing guard or tackle? Like a white Anthony Herrera? Doubtful, because I don’t believe he’s nearly as funny as Herrera. More than anything though, this clearly mean we’re targetting a wide receiver with the third pick in the draft, since we just locked up our future left tackle with this signing. HURRAY!
OK! While it appears Patrick Brown has since cut his hair, back in his long-locks hey-day, who do you think had a better flowing ‘do? Patrick Brown or Kate Upton? The boobs are a wash in this case, I’m assuming.