Let’s get one thing straight here. I’m not a very good fan. I don’t buy an authentic jersey of the rookie players every year, because the current jerseys are ugly and dumb. I wouldn’t be caught dead using it as a cum rag, even if someone gave it to me. And I haven’t been to a game in over three years, even though I drive by the Dome every single day. I actually asked for a Minnesota Vikings t-shirt for Christmas this year too because I was running out of ideas, and when I ended up getting it, I kind of shrugged in ambivalence. I’m never going to wear it. It’s stupid. Most Vikings shirts (And really, almost all NFL shirts) are stupid because they don’t like to poke fun at themselves. The shirts on the PJD Merchandise store? AWESOME. Because they’re unique and hilarious and it’s highly recommended you buy one. And while I don’t financially support the team through merchandise and ticket sales, boy, I sure do cheer my little heart out! …. And write daily blog posts about this team, if that counts for anything (it doesn’t).
The one case where this changes? When Purple Jesus gets drafted by my team and his iconic #28 jersey in throwback style all of a sudden becomes available to purchase on eBay through illegal Japanese replica factories. I bought one, and while I rarely wear it, I do cherish it. Which is why it makes me sick even more when he so much as raised the idea of him switching numbers over the weekend.
Here it is. The hallowed #28 throwback that was shipped to me from overseas. I bought it for like $35 bucks without having to support the NFL directly. That means almost as much to me as the actual jersey itself. Look at it’s beauty! It’s sleek, stylish, crisp, dynamic, classic … everything you could want in a jersey. It’s not a craptastic clown outfit that the recent Vikings have been wearing. And that makes me proud of myself.
The problem here is that I don’t think I’d care enough to buy a new item of apparel if Purple Jesus went through with his threat to change numbers. In a follow-up Tweet, he said he’d consider #1 (can’t happen, obviously), #21 or #23. Of course, both of those eligible numbers are already taken by Asher Allen and Cedric Griffen, respectively. Can this mean what I think it means? Does it mean both of those crappy players will be off the team and Purple Jesus could wear them?
I hope not. I would take another 3-13 year if it meant he couldn’t switch from #28. It’s an ICON. He’s worn it throughout his entire football career. Even in high school he sported #28. That ugly Dirt Burglar, Oklahoma Sooner red jersey? #28. It’s just natural. When player switch their numbers like this when they are this far into their careers, it’s just devastating. Kobe Bryant? What a dick move. Tons of lazy Californian douche bags and rapist supporters had to buy new jerseys after that. That’s not cool. And Troy Williamson switching from #19 to #82? Heartbreaking! For no one! Except that one moron that bought his jersey!
Point being, I like my #28 Peterson. It matches my #44 Chuck Foreman jersey that looks much the same. The #28 is one of the only pieces of Vikings apparel I can look at these days and go, “Ah shit yea, nice, that doesn’t make me want to take a shit in it and smear it on someone’s windshield in a parking lot.” That means something. That’s significant. If for no other reason, Purple Jesus, please hear my prayers and stick to #28.