Welcome to Purple Jesus Diaries' Point/Counterpoint, where we interview two experts on a hotly contested topic of interest for Minnesota Vikings fans. This week, we talk with a representative of every Packer fan you could ever know to get their take on their favorite team after week one, followed by a similar take from a generic Vikings fan that you've likewise probably met sometime in your life. Hopefully two different, eye opening yet grounded opinions will help you understand the early 2012 NFL season a bit better:
Mouth Breathing Packers Fan:
"What a disaster! What a horrible situation! We've now lost two games in a row dating back to last season. I LITERALLY could not think of anything worse! Seriously, think of something, you can't. What? … Well, maybe not having any Hamm's would suck, but I could always drink the well water I've been fermenting in my farm tub for the past year in a pinch, that's what it's there for. I can't actually go out and play football for this sorry ass team. What's their excuse?!
"A year ago we were riding high, winning games like they were $5 pull tabs at the corner bar! No problems. But this year? It's over. Rodgers has regressed and looks like a rookie, throwing for barely over 300 yards against a stout defense, two touchdowns and an interception. An interception?! What is this, mimicking the beloved Brett Favre? You keep to yourself, Rodgers, that Favre is my Wrangler Prince and you will never replace him! Not like that'd do any good … The defense is the real problem, always has been! 377 total yards given up to some Californian freak shows?! Listen, I'm not a gay hater or whatever, but … those guys are probably gay! And I hate that! Not them, just … just this whole damn situation! Come on defense, what are you, the Vikings?!
"It's pretty much over. After an entire season of waiting for the games to get here, the Packers go and lose their first one. Might as well just throw in the towel now. If you can't even win your home opener, what good are you? We're on pace to go 0-16 this year. I'll have to sell the Super Bowl tickets I purchased through the second mortgage on my trailer and hope to pay some of that debt off. If not, I'll just complain that the government won't help me out while bitching about Obama taking too much of my work income from down at the factory. God, even that bastard President is a Bears fan! IMPEACH!!! BURN THE SEASON!! I HATE THE NFL!!"
Hyperactive Vikings Fan:
"HOOOLLLEEEEE SHIIIITTTT THIS IS THE BEST SEASON EVER!!! You guys, the MINNESOTA VIKINGS currently have the best record in the ENTIRE NFL!! How long has it been since you could say that?! Sure, us and a handful of other teams have that record, but oh sweet, merciful crap, I just feel like the greatest weight has been lifted from my shoulders! This team hasn't played with a winning record since … since … the last time we had a memorable snow fall in 2009! Oh god, oh god … There really must be a God up there watching over me … I told him … *sniff* … I told him all I wanted for the rest of the year was to have the Vikings win one game, just ONE! AND HE HEARD ME!! This is the greatest year ever …
"Listen man, bro, dude, I know we're not very good, I KNOW, but maybe … Maybe this was the spark we needed, you know? Maybe we can win TWO games this year! I mean, I know this was a hard fought game, we probably shouldn't have won it, didn't DESERVE to win it, but here we are, CHAMPIONS!! of one game. This must be how it feels to win a Super Bowl, I guess, just overcoming adversity and – even thought he competition wasn't great between us and the Jags – it really just came down to two teams slugging it out, giving it there all, slap fighting and lolly gagging as hard as they could. It was a beaut to see, man, I was so proud of our guys.
"That's it, wrap this season up, it doesn't get any better, man. I don't need to see one more game. As far as I'm concerned, 2012 is the year of the VIKINGS after we beat the Jags so DECISIVELY on Sunday. I mean, we toyed with them, right? That has to be the only explanation for why we let them back in the game. Only reason. Just imagine what we'd do to a GOOD team, how hard we'd break their hearts! Oh wow, I would love that, but … No, nope, wrap it up, call it a season, get the NFL Films crew out here to give us our season yearbook. We're complete. 2012 MINNESOTA VIKINGS: 1-0 CHAMPS. That's what I'm calling this film. It's beautiful!"