Detroit Brought Lions, I Brought Crow: And it's not bad, really. You just have to char it a bit. It's kind of stringy, but that's all. And I'm not eating ALL of the crow, because despite the fact that the Vikings won on Sunday, it doesn't mean that they DOMINATED. All it means is that Purple Jesus saved their ass once again (171 yards and a TD?!), and they got lucky on an early pass play. Don't believe me? Take this offensive performance today, in which the team surprised many by putting up 34 points, and imagine it against the Bears. Think the outcome is the same? Think those dink and dunk passes still work? Think Peterson rips off 171 yards (I kind of do, he's a Bear killer)? Think Ponder comes out of there WITHOUT a ripped shirt? Because he won't. Because I'LL rip it for him if I have to!
Regardless, this team proves to be pretty tough competition when at home. Whether it's the continued crowd noise (nice work, fans!), Ponder's confidence, or Peterson on Field Turf, I don't know. But the defense hid it's inadequacies just long enough to make Detroit look like classic Detroit again, and we amazingly swept a divisional season series. I don't care that it was only against the boys in blue; the fact that we won ANY divisional games already this year is better than what I was expecting coming in, so everything from here on out is simply bonus for me. Guess I better start enjoying it.
Mushroom Stamp of Approval: Keeping in mind that at Purple Jesus Diaries we try to spread the love around to other players besides just Adrian Peterson when we give weekly awards to what is obviously the best player on the team, it was hard to find on guy that was most deserving of the Stamp this week. Could it be anyone on the defense? No one really stood out, honestly. Griffen kind of hand a nice game, but also a stupid penalty call. Jarius Wright made a solid debut, but also dropped some balls and missed blocks. I saw Gerhart twice, and he never counts. Honestly, the guy who had the most riding on him was, again, Ponder, and after several weeks of a downward trend he had a nice bounce back game. If he's responsible for 221 yards, 2 touchdowns and no picks for his entire career that we have Percy and Peterson, I don't give a shit. That should be good enough for us to win any game we want. So, basically, thanks for not sucking Ponder! That's all we ask. And for that, you get this week's Mushroom Stamp of Approval.
All the Wright Stuff: Speaking of Jarius Wright, yes, he made a nice little debut. On the first play that he was in the game, he caught a 54 yard bomb after he got behind the safety and Ponder had the mind to actually side step in the pocket and throw it to him … Kind of. I mean, Wright had to slow down, pause in his step, make a sandwich, sign some autographs, and then slowly walk back to the ball and catch it before being tackled inside the five. He was eventually rewarded though, as he ran the Percy Pattern to the corner of the endzone. People see this right away and get super upset that he wasn't playing all year. I get that, from a moron perspective, but people also forget that he was injured for the first couple of weeks of the season, and then we had Percy Harvin being Percy Harvin already. While adding a duplicate Percy Harvin isn't really a BAD thing (we need all the play makers we can get on the field, large or small), I honestly see the coaching staff considering Wright to be a a luxury that they didn't need to rush into a game unprepared. Which is stupid. This team has no luxury. We can't NOT play our best players and win. Obviously. But whatever. We'll see what happens when Percy gets back and if the Twercy Twarvin pairing can work.
Here is Your God, Right Now: But, if none of that works, we can always still try running with Adrian Peterson, which apparently is still a good option to win football games. Remember, this guy is 11 months away from having a zombie attack on his knee … And he just posted his fourth straight 100+ yard game this season, his fifth of the year. He's the NFL's leading rusher, the first player to rush for over 1,000 yards this season, has six TDs, and has displayed the largest middle finger to every idiot fantasy football owner that was wary about taking him this season. SUCK MAH NUTS, DOUBTERS!! I don't know what is left to say about this guy. Is he eligible for Come Back Player of the Year? I mean, technically he never went anywhere. Remember, he still had 12 TDs last year yet only 950 yards. Not good enough? Oh, here, let me break my knee and come back even stronger than before. This dude is Obi-Wan Kenobi. Don't mess with him.
The IT List: Depending on whether the team wins or loses, we compile a SHIT or IT list of players (or franchise related people and things) that really affected the team in the last week. Since we won this week (woohoo!) I'll be recapping people that made me smile on Sunday:
– Chris Kluwe (Now that politics is over, you got back to punting well!)
– Devin Aromoshadu (Congrats on your one catch, see you next year!)
– Harrison Smith (That's two games versus Calvin Johnson where you're almost killed him. Keep it up!)
– Kyle Rudolph (I think your big mitts got even bigger after your birthday this week)
– Everson Griffen (I don't even care that you have stupid penalties, you're frightening and I like it)
– Chad Greenway (Great white person interception. Really a scrappy defensive play!)
– Kevin Williams (Seeing him jump in front of me and then sack me would also lead me to shitting myself)
– Frustrated Viking Fans (On TV, there was a mad Vikings fan that looked hilarious, and I just wanted to say nice job)
Notes and Nips: Here are some other things from the game that I couldn't figure out where to put. I call them talking points, even though most of you will probably glance over them all:
– The most impressive thing about the Metrodome on Sunday was maybe the fans holding up little placards to make a legible Veterans Day sign. Honestly. I'll never figure out how one person doesn't just screw that all up, but way to go, people.
– The two minute drill before half time? Exhibit A on "Why to Fire Everyone."
– Calvin Johnson is so damn good. If I was a Lions fan and saw that my team's receiver had 200+ receiver yards and we lost, I'd burn something to the ground.
– I was largely surprised that the early field goals DIDN'T come back and bite us in the ass, even though they probably should have. You just had the feeling that it would happen the entire time. I'm pleased that it didn't, but whatever.
– The Lions lost, the Packers were inactive, the Bears lost, and hold on to your butts, but the Vikings are only two games out of the division lead again. PREP YOUR ANUSES, PACKERS AND BEARS.
Surprise Victory Haiku:
They fought for your rights,
So you could watch cheerleaders.
Not bad for a scrappy bunch of rag tag kids who just couldn't catch a break! I'd say we should win out the rest of the season and finish with a Super Bowl victory, but the whole thing seems kind of trite. We'll see what happens. For now, let's just head into the bye week and not have any rape charges, police reports, or double donged dildos make their appearances, OK? Great.