Have we seen this already? Is everyone aware that Green Bay Packers linebacker not only looks like a woman, but pees in his pants like a baby too?
My favorite part is how Matthews plays all tough right away, but then basically dives two feet first into a diaper the MOMENT a manlier man like Wes Welker is all like, “Fuck yeah, I’ll wear diapers! LET’S DO THIS!” And then you hear Clay Matthews squeal in glee.
Honestly, if you would have told me a year ago that Clay Matthews would have to wear a diaper (one that doesn’t bulge under your pants – Finally!) because he wet himself while facing the Minnesota Vikings, I would have totally laughed at you. I mean, come on! What’s he to be afraid of? Bryant McKinnie at the time? Mr. Human Turnstile? Not likely. And once training camp and the season started … Charlie Johnson? The real-world embodiment of Charlie Brown? Afraid of kicking a football because a GIRL tricks him?! Nope! Matthews could blow right by that nerd face too and help Christian Ponder reach Aaron Rodgers’ NFC North concussion record. That’s a trophy you can KEEP, Aaron!
But now? A year later I am starting to like our chances against GAY Matthews! … That’s what all the mean kids call him right? … The Vikings front office will be murdered if they don’t draft Matt Kalil, tackle out of USC, so I’m just going to assume that it’s going to for sure happen. In that case, we will have Kalil, and White Man Mountain Kyle Rudolph on the outside to prevent that roided out freak from getting to the quarterback … That is … Until our genius signal caller rolls right in to his oncoming rush. It’ll happen, trust me.
But I am liking our chances more than I did before. The Vikings are looking up. Sure, we probably won’t be a playoff team in 2012 … We may not even be a TEAM in 2013! … *cries* … But at least somewhere in between all of that confusion we’ll likely be able to stymie and frustrate Lady Longhair, and really, sometimes it’s the individual battles that win the war. And as long as the Packers suck and pout, I’m happy.
So keep wearing your diapers, Matthews! They said it was for charity in the video … even though they didn’t name a charity, it was clearly a brand guy shilling the product, and no one benefited from you wearing these. Yeah, it was ALL your own decision. WE know the truth, bed wetter!