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Acting Cordial: Talking Vikings and Redskins with Redskins Hog Heaven

Welcome to Acting Cordial, which is the easiest article we get to produce all week on this stupid blog, because someone else does half the work for us! In reality, it's a decent way to see what's going on with this week's Vikings opponent, dig inside their vast political minds, and find out just how badly we're going to troll these clowns. This week, we team up with Bloguin brother "Redskins Hog Heaven" to ask the TOUGH QUESTIONS heading into the sixth game of the regular season already. Read on as we discuss Doug Williams (I pretty much get called a racist), what an "Alfred Morris" is, and just how stupid Griffining is. I mean, come on ESPN. Just cut that shit out already.
Be sure to head over to Redskins Hog Heaven later Friday as well, as I answered a slew of their questions in return. There is some amazing football knowledge (and swear words!) in both spots, so don't hesitate to travel there and insult them through "cordial" trash talk. Check them out on their blog, or harass them during the game on Twitter, when we get our comeuppance for them destroying Purple Jesus last year. YOUR TIME HAS COME!!

On to the questions!

Acting Cordial Redskins

Purple Jesus Diaries: Doug Williams vs. RGIII – Who ya got?! … Meaning, in all your wildest fantasies, did you ever expect RGIII to do this well as a rookie, and are you thinking of a Redskins Super Bowl victory in the near future?

Redskins Hog Heaven: Why do people always bring race into RGIII comparisons. Why isn't Griff v3.0 compared to Fran Tarkenton or Sonny Jurgenson or some other Scandinavian. Griffin exceeds my wildest hopes and dreams for humanity, but until RGIII gets the Redskins to a Super Bowl, I got DWI.

Adrian Peterson Redskins

PJD: Can you blame us if we have some serious ill will directed towards you? Your team destroyed the most golden of knees in all of football. BUT NOT EVEN THAT COULD STOP HIM. Do you feel at all guilty about this behavior (you should) and can you promise not to do it again (please)?

RHH: Football is a world of men. Grow up and take it. What do you expect from a defense once coached by Gregg Williams? It's not like we paid anyone for a kill-shot. Here's my problem. The Redskins (Can you use that word in Minnesota?) knocked Purple Jesus and Christian Ponder OUT and still lost. Got nothing to say about that, huh?

PJD: As an aside, I'm a huge Nebraska football fan, so seeing Roy Helu (IR), Niles Paul (now a TE?) and Dejon Gomes (starting safety?) on your team provides mixed emotions. How are you feeling about these three, and how is Niles doing as a TE? That seems like a weird transition, although my wife says he's got a stellar hind quarters, so maybe it's a natural move. And I'm aware it was Gomes who atom-bombed Purple Jesus' knee, but I'll let it slide since Purple Jesus has come back fairly well so far.

RHH: The Husker kids are having their ups and downs. Helu is on IR. I like him and his potential. Gomes is a growth project. We think he has a future, but as a contributor, not as a star. Paul is an example of how hard it is to transition to a new position in the NFL. We'll be into 2013 before we know if this works. Meanwhile, he isn't making fans forget Chris Cooley.

Alfred Morris

PJD: What is an Alfred Morris? What is this guy's story, where did he come from, and is he a perfect running back for Shanahan's offensive scheme, or how is it that he is performing so well? Also, can he go ahead and score like 100 yards and a touchdown, but you'll let our offense put up more points for the win? Got him on my fantasy team. I'll hang up and listen.

RHH: Two NFL coaches earned my undying hate as a fantasy baller (now retired) — Wayne Fontes and Mike Shanahan. Fontes single-handedly forced fantasy football to invent performance scoring by pulling Barry Sanders from the line-up when the Lions were in the Red Zone. The box score would, Sanders 759 yards, 0 TDs. Shanahan practically invented RBBC, the acronym most hated by fantasy owners.

I am officially designating Alfred Morris a "stud." If you own him, play him. Shanahan ain't stupid.There is no fear of committee assignments with Morris. Roy Helu is lost for the season. Evan Royster is gimpy. Tim Hightower is off the team. Ryan Grant is working himself in the offense, but purely in relief.

The back story on Morris is that he was a running back on a bad Florida Atlantic University team (1-11 in 2011). Retired Head Coach Howard Schnellenberger still has weight in the NFL. Schnellenberger recommended Morris to the Redskins organization who brought Morris in as a potential fullback, like Mike Anderson in Denver.

What the Redskins found in Morris was a big back who would have fit Joe Gibbs' downfield offense, like Riggins, but with one-cut running skills like a young Clinton Portis. The Redskins are in the third year of Shanahan's zone blocking scheme. Morris has been the perfect fit.

Morris and Griffin III's running are, or was, complimentary. Fear of RGIII gave an edge to Morris,while Morris forced defenses to respect play-action. Griffin's concussion and possible absence from the Vikings game is the only fly in the ointment. On the one hand, he will get more carries if Griffin is out. But, defenses have no fear of Kirk Cousins or Rex Grossman running, so defending Morris is a little easier.

Maybe you heard the cute story about Morris' ride. He kept the 1991 Mazda he drove in college. His teammates nicknamed it "Bentley."

As for 100 yards and a score, talk to your purple friends or call a replacement ref. Don't talk to me.      



PJD: If I see ESPN try and stuff "Griffining" down my throat one more time, I may change orientation. What the hell is their deal? Have you ever seen one Redskins fan do any "Griffining" and take themselves seriously? Have you ever seen a fan do it at all? Please don't tell me "you people" are buying into that shit.

RHH: One of my blogging, Twitter colleagues, @BurgundyBlog, started that shirt in honor of Griffin and in mockery of Tebow(ing). I have stopped taking his calls. No, I haven't see us people Griffining after two or three days of the insanity.

Griffin, by the way, Tebows upon entering games and after scores. Only he does the Catholic version with the genuflection and signing. Former alter boy here. I recognize the signs. Surely a blog named for Jesus has no objection.

PJD: Did you see the recent comments from Michael Wilbon calling DC a horrible sport town? Then he got into it with a popular local sports guy there, Dan Steinberg, or something. What is Wilbon's deal? Does he get a free pass because he's just a fat talking head who has covered the area? Or is he just being a total boner nose? And what's your take on DC as a sports town?

RHH: Heard the chatter on sports talk radio. Didn't read the story. As s citizen journalist-blogger, I know you have to make an over-the-top statement to attract outraged readers. Outrage = traffic. Wilbon's story a success for him. There are three points here.

1) I'm not sure what Wilbon meant by "sports town." Here are the last titles won by a Washington pro team — Redskins 1991, Wizards/Bullets 1978, Senators 1933. Capitals never. Local fans have supported those teams through a long dry spell at a level appropriate for their odds of winning.

2) Wilbon's comments came when ESPN the Magazine featured DC as a sports town because pro sports has become very exciting around here. That's different. That's why ESPN made it a feature story. Although Wilbon now works for ESPN, he must not subscribe the ESPN's magazine.

3) Wilbon was the most popular sportswriter at The Washington Post for about 30 years. Wilbon bit the hands of the fans that fed him for so long, then he peed on their foot. The comments stung because it came from him.

PJD: Rumor has it your team likes to run with Morris to set up dynamic plays for RGIII. Would you say that's a fair assessment of your offense, or do you think at this point Shanahan freely puts more trust in Captain Subway to do his own thing and run the show?

RHH: Griffin will get a good talking to today about doing his own thing. If you are going to get hit like that, at least slide out of bounds and draw a flag. That's why the NFL "invented out of bounds." Morris is in charge of banging for the last yard. OK?

PJD: If you were a SMART Vikings head coach (big "IF"), how would you go about stifling the Redskins on offense? What's your game plan?

RHH: This will sound odd. Stop the running game. We already described why the Redskins are a run-first team. Dust off your Tebow Broncos defense and adapt it to Washington.

There are now five weeks of video on the Redskins. Flaws are emerging. The 'Skins made 12 first downs against Atlanta; only one was a third-down conversion. Griffin is elusive, deceptive when handing-off, and he is an excellent passer. Defenders have had success pressing from the edges, but staying home in the middle. Pierre Garcon can beat you deep and he blocks well, but he has drops and is not rugged. These are the same complaints the Colts had about him.

If you contain Redskins rushing and stop big plays, you can stop Washington's offense.

PJD: Similar, if you were a Vikings head coach that had a brain in his top head instead of his penis one, how would you exploit the Redskins defense? What defensive positions are you most worried about?

RHH: Redefine "all day" from Adrian Peterson to passing all day against Washington's secondary. In fact, leave AP home. You didn't need him last year to beat Washington.

Jim Haslett is working ways to cope with Washington's weakness at defensive backs. S Brandon Meriweather may return from injury to play his first game as a Redskins. Matt Ryan threw the ball 52 times in the win over Washington. He had to. Until Michael Turner's game-clinching TD run, the Falcons were getting nowhere on the ground. That should be clue enough.

PJD: Vikings win! Right? Despite my misgivings about Leslie Frazier as a coach up until this season (so far …) he does have a pretty stellar record of 2-0 against the Redskins in his short tenure. Think he pulls off another one? Does RGIII "Griffin" all over the Vikings? Give us your game prediction.

RHH: When the Vikings were bad, I picked the Redskins to win and they lost. Now that the Vikes might be good, I'm picking the 'Skins to "lose" by 4. See what I did there? I'm Griffining you with reverse-psychology.


DAMN YOU GRIFFINING!! Thanks again, Redskins Hog Heaven, and be sure to check out their excellence over on their blog. They're nice and all, but his reverse psychology isn't going to work. We are going to bring down that Capitol building with the power of Purple Jesus!!


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

Acting Cordial – Talking Vikings and Redskins with Redskins Hog Heaven

Once again, Purple Jesus Diaries is happy to work with a Bloguin NFL blog where we preview the upcoming Minnesota Viking football game through the eyes of an opponent. I’m not so sure this guy likes to talk about testicles as much as I do, though. This week, we talk with Redskins Hog Heaven, the only blog about the New England Patriots that bothered contacting me. I was a kind gentleman and answered a list full of questions over on their site which will go live someday, while they kindly entertained me with questions about Donovan McNabb’s benching and the yellow Redskins pants. So read on, and visit their site to check my responses, and of course feel free to harass them, even though the Vikings will probably lose. On to the Q and A!
Purple Jesus Diaries: As a Skins fan, have you been pleased with McNabb’s play? Do you feel he’s been an upgrade over Jason Campbell, or did Campbell get a bad rap there?

Redskins Hog Heaven:
Um, yes to both questions. McNabb is an upgrade over Campbell, but a marginal one because McNabb is old and Campbell took too much blame for the Redskins’ woes. It’s OK when fans do that. It’s not OK when the owner stocks the team with guys he wants to hang out with. The Redskins had deeper issues with the roster than quarterback.
McNabb was an immediate boost to marketing and was a band-aid for a weak offensive line and suspect receivers. Those problems couldn’t be fixed in one offseason. But the two draft picks to acquire him should have been better used. What if the Redskins traded them to Arizona for Anquan Bolden? Think Jason Campbell could have been more successful throwing to Bolden and Santana Moss? Or what if they kept Campbell and used the second round pick on QB Colt McCoy? Think Washington’s future would be brighter with McCoy in the wings?
While I am pleased by McNabb’s play, trading two draft picks for him leaves me deeply suspicious that Dan Snyder is still calling the shots. [Ed. Note – Shit … this guy sounds smart. I’m in trouble!]

PJD: The Skins have seemed to be really up and down this year; one point looking stellar another getting beat by the Lions. Who ARE the Redskins this year, and why are they having trouble with consistency?

RHH: The Redskins have the talent to win seven to nine games. Last year’s 4-12 record was an aberration. They are a team in transition on both the offense and defense. Inconsistent play is what you get when teams go through that.
The defense aims to be disruptive with quarterback pressure and turnovers. Last year’s team was geared to stifle yardage and to slow opponents down. They were good at it, yet Washington finished with 12 losses. This year’s team is getting turnovers. They are last in yards–I’m sure that bothers the coaches–but they’ve only allowed five losses so far. Last-ranked defense doesn’t mean worst defense when speaking of the Redskins.
Washington’s offense is playing competitive, edge-of-your-seat football. It’s not the crushing variety fans of the video age want, but it’s very entertaining. I don’t know how to call these games anymore, except that they will be close.
PJD: I’ve been impressed with the Skins receivers. Outside of Santana, there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot, but you’ve had several seemingly no-namers come in and light people up every game. Who is your secret receiving threat this game, as the Vikings pass defense is in tatters right now?

RHH: Anthony Armstrong is less of a secret than he used to be. Armstrong gives the Redskins a deep threat alternative to Santana Moss. You’ve never heard of him unless you follow arena football. He was a free agent signed to the practice squad by Vinny Cerrato for the scout team. I think his arena experience honed his quickness. Armstrong projects to finish the season with 37 receptions for 800 yards and two touchdowns. That’s barely better than Antwaan Randle Els’ numbers last season.
I am a tad disappointed that OC Kyle Shanahan hasn’t worked TE Fred Davis into the offense more. By that, I mean Davis on the field with TE Chris Cooley and not rotating in for Cooley on some plays.
The wide receiver corps is a flaw on the roster. That’s why McNabb is here. He is projecting 4,200 passing yards this season. Unfortunately, he is projecting fewer than 20 TD passes.

PJD: How has your offensive balance been this year? Are you a stronger passing or running team? Will Portis be back to help with the running game? Do you feel Shanahan WANTS to run it more?

RHH: By now, you’ve heard that Portis was placed on injured reserve yesterday. In his absence, the Redskins leaned on the passing game more than Shanahan planned. With no Portis, they will stay that way.

Shanahan developed a reputation for making “just a guy” like Reuben Droughns into a premier rusher. He’s at it again with Ryan Torain and Keiland Williams. Torain is injured and unlikely to play. Williams is a double-threat as a rusher and receiver. When I say “threat,” I don’t mean at the Brian Westbrook or Marshall Faulk level, but the dude scores a touchdown every 19 times he touches the ball.
PJD: It sounds like you would like to trade several players. We’ll take McNabb and Haynesworth for , Asher Allen, and Nafahu Tahi. Deal?!

RHH: You can have Haynesworth for a third round pick and a ham sandwich. The Vikings should consider that deal if they remain in the 4-3 defense next season. Haynesworth excels in that alignment. He recently said he wasn’t good enough to play the 3-4 (???) and the Redskins quietly acquiesced and play him in 4-3 sets, or in third down situations where he can rush the passer. He is doing well in that arrangement, but he is off the field too much to change the course of a game.
With our receiving corps, you tempt me with . But trading McNabb for him would leave us with  Rex Grossman at quarterback. People your age go all ROFL over that idea. [Ed. Note: Indeed. In fact, I’d ROFLCOPTER for that shit.]
I would prefer that the Redskins trade players for draft picks and use those picks for well-selected young players to renew the team. They do in Philadelphia and New England who go on to dominate their divisions for a decade or so.
Oh, sit tight on that McNabb idea. His new contract upped the probability that he’s with Washington next season from 50-50 to 66.7 percent. The Redskins will look at how he finishes this season and at all the alternatives before making a keep or kick decision. They have until the first regular season game in 2011 to make that call. “All the alternatives” could be a trade offer from the Vikings.

PJD: What’s the deal with sitting McNabb in the two minute drill at Detroit, and then having him drive them into winning field goal position before the Gano shanked it? Any explanation Shanahan offers here is pretty weak, IYAM.

RHH: The technical term for the Detroit pull is coaching brain-fart. Enough said.
PJD: I love the Redskins new uniforms, by the way. At least, the yellow/gold pants they wear now. If they went back to the arrow head on the side of the helmet, I’d be all in. I use to play as the Redskins for a while in Madden and would always have this combination.

RHH: Thank you. Thank you very much. I like the gold pants. They symbolically signal that the Joe Gibbs glory days are gone. Move on. The team colors are burgundy and gold. when I started going to Redskins games they wore wine-colored jerseys and had a single large feather on the top center of the helmets. That didn’t translate well on analog color TV sets, so burgundy morphed to red and the feather gave way to the arrowhead (copied and kept by Florida State, btw). The ‘Skins have a version of the Arrowhead unis to use as throwbacks, but the jerseys are not the same wine-colored shade that I remember.

PJD: What kind of a game are you expecting Sunday, and what’s your game prediction?

RHH: I’m expecting a close game that can go either way. The ‘Skins are slowly finding themselves and they are at home. They are coping with a lot if injuries. Portis is out and please let nobody get hurt on the offensive line. The reserves are already playing. I can hear the Munchkins in Eden Prairie singing “Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead.” The removal of Childress will give the Vikes a lift, with the biggest boost coming in the first game they play–against us. The Redskins lost the last time (2008) they faced a team (St. Louis Rams) with an interim head coach (Jim Haslett, current ‘Skins DC).
Brett Favre scares the bejeebus out of me. Washington has never beaten Favre. Granted, Favre was playing for better teams, but like Pavlog’s dog, I see No. 4 and I’m conditioned to retch. [Ed. Note: This blows my mind. How has every team not beaten/picked off Favre at least 17 times?]
I’m going with my Magic 8 Ball on this one and call it for the Redskins (It is decidedly so). But this is a pick-em game all the way.
Damn, good back and forth. Go read my response over on Redskins Hog Heaven tonight and wish the guy luck. He’s sounds smarter than your average Packer fan, which isn’t too hard.


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.