It wouldn’t be a Minnesota Vikings’ game week without a little Green Bay Packers’ bashing, even though we aren’t playing them on Sunday. I don’t even know who THEY are playing, for that matter. San Francisco?! Boring. Maybe all of the Packers and all of the 49ers should just forfeit the game and spend three hours making out and groping each others’ nut cups on the fifty yard line in a massive, shirtless football orgy instead. That’d actually be more bearable to watch, and is likely what happened between Green Bay Packers’ QB Aaron Rodgers and his two “friends” in the quarterbacks’ “man cave” after these commercials for Pizza Hutt cut away from him.
I don’t know why Rodgers is promoting Pizza Hutt. Maybe that’s the only food available in Wisconsin. That and probably that horse shit manure meat provided by Taco Bell. Regardless, we now have video evidence that Aaron Rodgers only let’s dudes into his “man cave.” The first video shown here is bad enough. The eye molesting he does to the guy in the brown shirt, his soft, supple voice bringing his new “friends” deeper and deeper into his comfort zone, and a huge, meaty, overflowing, beefy box of … pizza … sitting between them all.
I thought I’d seen enough to know all I need to know about Rodgers, but then this happened:
Damn Rodgers, you’re making my pencil dick all tingly, you little tease. I was totally waiting for you to just start to slowly slide a finger or two into that guys mouth, and then have the camera cut back to you without pants on. Or maybe you do have pants on, but they’re mesh shorts, and Pizza Hutt has a “churro” sticking out of the left pant leg, “accidentally.” I get it, bro, it’s lonely in Wisconsin. You don’t often get two young men to explore your man hole on the weekends. Has to be pretty exciting. I’m not going to cock block you on this. All that extra meat is for you, man. You can even keep the leftovers!
While both of these videos are disturbing and telling, I’ll just say I was probably more surprised that we didn’t see this scene play out:
*Camera cuts to two strangers sitting on opposite sides of a couch in Aaron Rodgers’ man cave*
Guy One: This new Big Dinner Box from Pizza Hutt is the ultimate, most bodacious, epic food even for ANY football fan on gameday!
Guy Two: Totally! It comes with all of your favorite munchies like pizza, bread sticks, wings and more. You even get an ice cold Pepsi with it! But there’s only one thing missing …
Guy One: What’s that, my most righteous Stuff Crust Bro-zza?
Guy Two: Extra meat!
*Aaron Rodgers enters in a cowboy hat, with a mustache, cowboy boots, and nothing else, holding a small pizza box in front of his genitals*
Rodgers: Did someone say, “extra meat?”
*Camera pans to Rodgers face as you see Guy One dart down in front of the camera, with the screen fading as Rodgers reveals his Vinegar Strokes*
I bet you that’d help it be an even better seller in Wisconsin, you guys.
via Total Packers