Let’s get this out of the way first: The ESPYS are retarded. Even the “funny” videos I am about to show you right now and beyond retarded, with the only saving grave about them being Kevin Love of the hometown Minnesota Timberwolves and the sexy cameo appearance by our very own Purple Jesus a well, but …. yeah, they are still really god damn stupid. Stupid like Sarah Palin trying to act sexy by pushing her tits in your face while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking about foreign policy and about how her daughter is a cum dumpster.
But I digress. Let’s watch some of these videos first. Kevin Love is watchable throughout, but the Vikings related masturbatory material starts at the 2:07 mark:
Also, look at that suit jacket he is wearing at the end of the video and in the banner image. Is this guy serious? He really just went to an awards show (…. sorry, an “awards show”) looking like a crotch fisting bad ass. He looks like Too $hort here, pimpin’ hoes fo sho. Or whatever. It looks good. I could never pull it off. Nor will I try.
The second video doesn’t actually include Purple Jesus at all, but it DOES include more Kevin Love and allows us to make fun of that ‘roid head Clay Matthews:
Wait, you’re going to tell me that Clay Matthews picked the pose where you ready yourself for a mouth full of cock and Kevin Love pick the pose where you look like Rich Raven and flex your pocket book? No wai gais! Packer supporters who will inevitably refute this, please take note: Matthews was first to pick his pose. He had a choice, and he chose …. POORLY.
Also of note, the only ESPY award winner that pertains to the Vikings was for best NFL Football Player apparently voted on by a panel of short memory, ball gagging, choad shaving, nipple twisters who decided that Aaron Rodgers was the best player in all of the NFL. *spit take* Really? Why, because he was the quarterback on the team that won the Super Bowl? Big titted deal. Trent Dilfer won a god damn Super Bowl. BEST QB EVA!! Doug Williams. Rex Grossman almost did. Give me a break and GTFO.
At this rate, I hope the NFL never comes back. And that ESPN burns in sexually transmitted diseases. The bad kind, not like AIDS, where you just pretend you’re dying MAGIC JOHNSON.