If there is one thing that everyone unanimously hates, it is when some a-hole comes up to you and starts talking about their fantasy football team in some league that you’re not a part of, which you don’t care about. Well lucky for all 9 of my readers here, you’re all probably in this fantasy league. If you aren’t, then I apologize that you have stumbled upon another terribly written sporting blog. Talking about a need for population control …
As is though, I thought it MIGHT be fun to occasionally check in on what is without a doubt the most disappointing fantasy league out there. With this check in, we will be reviewing the recent draft whcih occurred last Wednesday night, September 1st. We will be ridiculing everyone’s team as well as noticing how fantastically well rounded mine is. Also, if anyone wants to get some free jabs in through the comments, don’t hesitate.The PJD league teams are as follows, and I’m just giving out team names because I stopped trying to keep track of who was who, where. Stake claim to your slop hole in the comments:
– Mel Gibson’s Athletes (well, that one’s me)
– Feisty Fingers
– Visanthe my Shiancoe
– Ass Virginity Counts
– The Rose Gardeners
– Wilf’s ‘Stache
– Percy’s Pot Dealer
– Parole Models
That was also subsequently the draft order. As a reminder for people who have(n’t) been following, this is a touchdown heavy league, and the winner gets a t-shirt from the PJD merchandise shop WHICH YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BUY STUFF FROM ANYWAY.
And as a quick reminder, watch The League again this year on FX. That show is tit-tays. Huge, bulbous, boobs of awesomeness. Now, onto the draft results:
Here are the results from top to bottom, keeping in mind this was a snake draft:
Some notes of interest here, before everyone starts laughing at Feisty Fingers:
– There were two teams that were total pussies and decided to auto-draft. One was Feisty Fingers (hence the retarded two kickers) and another was The Rose Gardeners, which actually didn’t turn out too bad, outside of him ending up with Brett Favre which he really didn’t want to have happen.
– Apparently that dick head, Cheeseheads, thought everyone else was drafting like ass (because we weren’t taking Green Bay players?) so he ended up drafting Tim Tebow and Toby Gerhart back to back as some kind of sick, white person joke. Many laughs were had.
– You probably won’t find another draft where Stephen Jackson ends up as the second to last pick in the third round. At that point someone (ME!) has to take him. Also, it wasn’t crucial that the guy who writes a website with Purple Jesus in the name GET Purple Jesus, but everything feels certainly more right now that it happened.
– The late Dexter McCluster pick is one I really liked. He could have a Hester like impact early on a shitty team like KC. Other picks that were pleasant surprises among a bunch of fucktards include: a late Tim Hightower pickup, Willis McGahee, Malcolm Floyd, and Alex Smith.
– Picks that weren’t so hot? Ryan Matthews as your number one running back makes my penis flaccid, I would never want Marion Barber on my team again, why would I pick Austin Collie, obviously the Gostkowski pick, and Troy Williamson was a funny joke.
So there you have it. Feel free to ridicule each and every one of us. And if you are actually in the league and want to stake claim to your team and/or explain your worthless picks, feel free to do so. My only regret is that I’ll end up having to buy a shirt for myself, since my team obviously won’t lose.
Hurray fantasy football!