I know, I know … most of you don’t care about any of this. Luckily, there’s only four of you that I will probably disappoint by having this as the feature post today, so who cares. Anyway, here is your weekly update on PJD’s Fantasy Football League!
It was a wild week of unexpected point scorers, upsets, waiver wire movement, and terrible team management. Who sucked the most?!? Well, read on and join in on the laughing at people that made worse moves than you did last week in fantasy football …
Me and the rest of the losers: Of biggest concern to everyone is whether or not I won this week. DON’T WORRY FRIENDS, I DID, BUT JUST BARELY. As you can see from these weekly standings, I managed an amazing 40 – 37 point win over my opponent “Percy’s Pot Dealer”. I would like to just state that he was clearly high when he set his lineup, but no, that wasn’t the case. He put the best players in but really couldn’t have accounted for Kevin Kolb being a cunt and leaving the game. We had another barn burner between Cheeseheads and Visanthe my Shiancoe, with Cheeseheads pulling out a close 58 – 54 victory. Of course, this win doesn’t count because he’s a Packers fan. I didn’t inform him of this rule until now because, again, he’s a Packer fan, and it’s always more fun to watch Packer fans dreams get destroyed. Beyond that, the rest of them were blowouts, including Crocs and Wilf’s Stache, but ESPECIALLY The Rose Gardeners and …
Biggest point scorer, also the person I hate the most: Feisty Fingers. Really? REALLY? Let’s back up to … whenever, last week or something, when we all mocked and ridiculed her ridiculous draft which included Stephen Gostkowski with the second pick Ryan Longwell with the tenth, probably four defenses and Jimmy Rollins for some reason. And yet, here she is, having scored 73 points this last week, becoming the highest point scorer. How the hell did she do this? Well, Hakeem Nicks had the single best day of his life, outside of his first blow job, by putting up 21 points in our league. That’s something like three touchdowns and some anal play. Jahvid Best also had 12 points, which he won’t repeat for the rest of the year with an injured Matthew Stafford, and three other players with nine points each. Was she lucky this week? You bet your ass. However, when she’s playing against Gally Blog and his Rose Gardeners, it was probably all well deserved.
Haha, look at your bench: It was an especially tough week for Ass Virginity Counts (to some people), aka, The Nonpopulist Blog. His team of retards lost to Parole Models 44 – 36. What’s worse, is that if he would have managed his team better he probably would have remained on his couch in his boxer briefs with a win. AVC mismanaged several players this week, including Wes Welker, who sat on his bench with 14 points (enough to have boosted him to a win!) and Jabar Gaffney, which I can’t really blame him for since he sounds Middle Eastern. To make matters worse though, he also had to watch instant rookie sensation Dexter McCluster scamper around like his crotch was on fire on Monday Night Football and out score the other RBs he started. The toughest question will be this upcoming week where he has to decide who starts after this unorthodox beginning for his team. Will he mismanage them again??? Probably. But this isn’t even the worse part …
Funny extras this week: In a friendly bout of competition, AVC and PM’s offered to do a avatar bet on Twitter for whoever the loser was. Naturally, the winner chose the avatar for the poor person, and they’ll have to sport it all week long. Seeing that AVC lost, PM chose two options for Nonpopulist to select from, with this reasoning listed on the message boards:
I made a few assumptions when choosing your new avatar for the week 1) you like Sage, therefore you have at least some taste in music 2) You are not Canadian 3) You are not an 11-year-old girl in disguise. I think you know where this is headed, and I hope my assumptions were accurate. Since I am such a nice person you have 2 choices
Oh, we don’t really like Canadians and somehow let two of them in the league. TWO! Do you even KNOW two Canadians? Like in real life? Me neither. Anyway, the two avatar options are the one’s you see above. Personally, I like the first one the best and have dropped that in as my vote. But please, don’t let this author sway your opinion. Put your vote in the comments as Nonpopulist is looking for some input.
Awesome upcoming match up: There are some great games coming up this next week. Cheeseheads is facing off against AVC. The owners are actually a couple of girls who like to partake in slap fights on Twitter on a nightly basis, so this should be entertaining. It will also be interesting to see if Parole Models is willing to do another avatar bet with Crocs this week, the second highest point scorer in week one with 72. Also, there’s an early season Browns v. Bucs type match up when the Rose Gardeners face off against Percy’s Pot Dealer, the two teams with the lowest scores in week one. As always, it’ll be terribly embarrassing for everyone involved.
And of course, we’ll be winning. Enjoy the games everyone, and feel free to make fun of people in the comments.