This last weekend was the Championship game to determine who gets to win a free t-shirt by winning Purple Jesus Diaries inaugural fantasy football league championship. I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to buy an extra large (or in this case, a XXXL shirt), but when you allow a Wisconsinite and a couple of Canadians in your league, chances are there are going to be some fat asses. As it were, a Canadian and a Cheesehead were fighting it out to see who could be crowned top dog, and while that meant a lose-lose for the rest of us, one of them did come out victorious …
More reasons to hate Packer fans: So Cheeseheads ended up winning this league in the first year after starting the season something like 0-37. I blame no one but myself. Undoubtedly, Percy’s feels just as embarrassed about this as I do, as he was running his mouth off in the fantasy review last week about how he would work Cheesy’s pole into the ground like a flesh starved hooker zombie, but he certainly got made the fool. He had a chance though, as going into Tuesday nights awkwardly postponed game with one of the greatest fantasy threats this season in Michael Vick as well as Desean Jackson, Cheesy’s 20 point lead looked about as safe as a white guy in 1980s Bedford. But then our favorite Vikings team did something totally incomprehensible in 2010 and played a competent football game, holding Vick to “only” 14 points, and Desean to one, while Cheesy’s David Akers put up two points which … well, didn’t matter. But he was watching him Tuesday night anyway. In the end, the Vikings did the worst things possible Tuesday night; the helped a Packers fan win PJD’s fantasy league and locked up a first round bye for the Bears in the playoffs. Fuck.
As a result, I am now obligated as a man of my word to purchase what I am guessing is a large human being a t-shirt from my merchandise shop. If you have suggestions for him, leave them in the comments. Otherwise, Rob, e-mail me your choice, size, and mailing address and I promise I won’t instead drive to your house and murder you. Much.
The rest of us: The rest of us all suck and so this highlight is rather moot, but the Yahoo! League did show final rankings in a handy chart down to 6th place, which is what you see above. It doesn’t seem very accurate, because clearly Mel Gibson’s Athletes were better than the 6th team all year long, but that’s why you play the games, I suppose. As I’ve stated before, I checked out of this league once I lost and have been pouting ever since, so this seemed instead like a nice and concise way to sum up the season; a bunch of shit.
Looking towards 2011 season: There are several topics to discuss as this year’s fantasy league wraps up and we look forward to 2011. I have supplied these in handy little bullet points below that I think need to be considered by all participants, but if you have other issues of concern, leave them in the comments:
- The Yahoo! Fantasy manager sucks. PJD is moving to ESPN next year. If you don’t use ESPN for fantasy you can go suck a tit. It’s not phenomenal by any means, but it is a trillion times better than Yahoo!
- Scoring needs to be adjusted. I am open to suggestions that don’t suck, meaning no point for every 10 yards of rushing, five points for 50 yards field goals and other stupid shit like that. Other items may be considered though, like negative points for interceptions, use of individual defensive players instead of teams, and so on.
- Attrition is bound to happen as internet friends will undoubtedly disappear into the Tron machine. If you are interested in joining the league next year, state your case now. Likewise, if you are interested in returning, that would be acceptable as well, even the teams who sucked. I mean, the NFL has let the Raiders keep playing, so why not.
- Options for winnings can be considered. Money prizes for those entering? New batches of t-shirts? A free blog post calling the rest of us pussies after you win? I’m open to whatever.
That’s it for now. Thanks to everyone for participating and for those who weren’t in the league for reading the updates and enjoying our season. I had a good time with a bunch of people I don’t know, surprisingly, kind of like a blindfolded gang bang, which is what this felt like some weeks. Until 2011 …