Because he found a way to leave practice like Favre skipped minicamp, you see. And that’s probably as offensive as I’ll make this post, because Percy Harvin getting taken off the practice field this morning in and ambulance and taken to a hospital because he got blindsided by a migraine headache is scary shit, for several reasons.
First, migraines look like the suck. Really suck. Suck like a Friedberg and Seltzer “comedy” movie. I’ve never had one so I can only imagine it’s like getting your cock stepped on while simultaneously being shot in the face with a close range pipe bomb while you have a sun burn. I’ve had head aches before, sure, but those are mostly self induced from drinking too much, like, you know, four drinks over 13 hours. SO WASTED BRO! So it sounds like this afternoon, Percy got a bad migraine while on the field, and now we all know what happens.
The second reason this is scary shit is purely selfish, because have you looked at the wide receivers beyond Percy? Greg Lewis, Logan Payne, and that Babbit guy don’t exactly make my dick hard. Kind of a soft chub, but definitely not hard. Also makes you wish Jaymar hadn’t injured himself last weekend to the point where he’d get put on IR. And before we found out that Percy was out because of the migraine, I thought maybe he suffered heat stroke and died, or lost his head or something, something he can’t come back from. And that would be terrible.
So Jesus, give this man some weed already and let him be comfortable so he can play the game he loves, and so I don’t freak out about our wide receiver depth. Do it already, Goodell, you fascist pig! I bet Brett is super happy he’s returned, right about now.