Minnesota Vikings punter and resident indoors kid Chris Kluwe has already been established as a phenomenal Guitar Hero player by many various outlets. My favorite video is here at Deadspin, which has the kid in it replying in amazement that “He’s like hitting every note!” I would love to embed it for you, but I only have the programming savvy of a higher functioning zombie with AIDS, so if someone could help me out in that regard, that’d be great. You know, we have a comment option on this blog …
Anyway, not only is Kluwe a video game wiz kid, but he’s also started playing a real guitar now and has gone about forming a band called “Tripping Icarus”. I assume the name is an effort to lower their successful expectations, so that they don’t collectively get burned (get it?!), but it does look like Kluwe is putting more effort into this than he is his punting, which can only mean that he’ll be a mediocre musician.
But the band appears to be stuck right now. In a recent interview with the Star Tribune Kluwe was still discussing getting his bearings on the bass guitar and trying to settle on a band name, which it seems that they obviously have, although I do like the proposed “Warbear” a lot as well. Kluwe makes it sound as if their major sticking point is getting the lyrics down for the songs. While they’ve started by working on eight songs and slowly getting some local exposure, we at PJD say fuck that Chris. If you want to rock with our hairy balls out then let’s RAWK!!
In order to facilitate this, we have included lyrics for a couple of songs that Chris can feel free to use for his band. Do you have a song topic or lyrics yourself that you would like to suggest? Put them in the comments and let’s hope Kluwe shreds your tune with a purple axe. The proposed songs and lyrics are after the jump …
Song Title – “MeltDowns”
Sung to the Tune of – “Paranoid” by Black Sabbath
“Early in the morning I wake up to start my game day moves,
Eat a bowl of Lucky Charms and watch my teammates grind and groove,
What should I do?
How ‘bout kick that ball?
Oh yeah …
Practice is for suckers but one mistake can change your mindset,
Shoulda kicked it out of bounds – instead it’s a return that now ties it,
Can you help me?
Please someone tackle him!
Oh shit …
Now when I go to practice I kick the ball far out of bounds,
‘Cuz I don’t want to get concussed unless I end up with a case of Downs,
Not in booouunds!
No Downs Syndrome, man!
Oh yeah …”
Song Title – “Jobs for Indoor Kids”
Sung to the Tune of – “Sweet Child O’ Mine” by Guns & Roses
“Video games and unnatural light,
Remind me of everything that is right,
And all the times
When I wouldn’t go out and playay,
Now grown up with a college degree,
I gotta find a job that is, right for me,
And if it doesn’t leave time
For vids than that’s not Okayay
Oh, it’s a job for indoor kids,
Oooooo, I love being indoor kiyids,
A nine to five office work ain’t great,
So I found a job that riyight,
I love to kick two hours a day,
And go home early at night,
During the season I have lots of free time,
So I can hone my skills,
Practice two hours,
Then head indoors,
To increase my Halo kills,
Oh, it’s a job for indoor kids,
Oooooo, I love beind indoor kiyids,
I love vids,
Video games man,
I love those vids,
Jobs for indoor kids
Indoor kids, yeah!
Jobs for iiiinndooorr kiyiyiyiyiyids, yeah!”
Song Title – “Minnesota Mean”
Sung to the Tune of – “.. Justice for All” by Metallica
Lakes of thousands deep in blue
Great for fishin’
Lots of lynx and wolves
You know you’re missin’
You think it’s nice up here
Bring your daughters ‘round
Their flowers’ taken
The most white peeps you’ll ever see
Exploiting their idiocy
You won’t believe the things we say
You won’t believe
You won’t believe the tax you’ll pay
You’re wallet is ours
Pulling your strings
Taking your shit
Turning our backs
Crap in your pants
We just spent fucking days writing these, so Kluwe, please take them and put them to good use. Do the readers have any other suggestions? Again, throw them in the comments and let’s get to rockin’ this weekend! … Or quietly playing a guitar with a broken string by ourselves. Whichever.