There have been some pundits that have been giving me a hard time about the introduction I gave at the Minnesota Wild game the other night. As we all know, the Wild will invite special guests to come and offer their pregame ritualistic saying, “Let’s play hockey!” before the puck is dropped. When I did the introduction, I may have said something slightly different, something along the lines of “It’s time to play hockey!”
(Video after jump)
Well, guess what Wild fans and internet bandits, go fuck yourselves. Let’s not forget a couple of things here, ok? First of all, you may remember that this clown car of a team actually won that night. Do you think they did that on their own? After the way they’ve played this season? Of course not. I almost had an aneurism concentrating hard enough to influence the outcome of the game that I was lucky to be standing on my own two feet in order to give the hockey call. Purple Jesus, it takes an extra effort to get a bunch of brain dead white guys to play inspired. Consider yourselves lucky, and think about giving me a pass on messing up your uninspired puck-dropping phrase anyway.
Second of all, we are talking about hockey here. I know Minnesotans loves their cold weathered sports and they like to think of themselves as some kind of hockey Mecca. That’s interesting, considering that the Wild have had one good season in their history. Forget it, this is my town now, inbreeds. I rule the roost. This hockey thing is hokey, and I could give to turtle doves about it. You’re all Vikings fans now, got it? And this is officially Purple Jesus territory.
Although I will admit, I do look like a complete badass in a hockey jersey. Com’ere, Gaborik, let me put it in your five hole.