Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! Fuck you Denver! I hated your stupid mountain city with your hippy population and thin atmosphere. God, I can’t believe it took you idiots this long to trade me. How much more obvious did I have to make it, I DON’T LIKE YOU! You’re not invited to any of my parties, especially you, Brandon Marshall! Go put your hand through another TV, idiot. I am off to totally awesome land of Chicago, the so much more dominant NFC, and a winning football team that is always a winner. I mean, they totally nailed their division last year, didn’t they?
Wait, what …? What the fuck is this? They finished second in the shit hole NFC North? I go from having to play a team that has an aging LaDainian Tomlinson to a team that has Adrian Peterson hitting his prime? And where are my All Pro receivers? What is this, an April Fool’s joke? It’s not funny, ok? I have diabetes, you can’t joke around like this with me. It’ll … It’ll raise my blood pressure or something and I could die! Ok, ok, real funny one, Denver. Sorry I said that about you, now really, where did you trade me to? … Chicago? FUCK!
GOD DAMNIT! I HATE YOU! I’VE ALWAYS HATED YOU! YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND ME! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!
Ohmygod,ohmygod,ohmygod,ohmygod … What is going on. I didn’t ask for this … It is so fucking windy in that town, what the hell, I mean, WHAT THE HELL??, why would they do this to me? Fuck, they traded the entire city for me, and I may not even be the best QB in that division … fuckfuckfuckfuck … I’m going to cut myself, I swear to God. I’m going to go out and buy all of the Twinkies I can find and eat them all at once! It’ll put me in the hospital and … and that’ll show ’em! They’ll be sooooo sorry they did this to me! They haven’t even been good since like before I was even born. I don’t care about this old timer team. Fucking grandpa team. Stupid. I hate it. I am so mad. And what is this?
OH. MY. GOD.
Oh my FUCKING God!!
That is so fucking awesome!
I want to dance like that too! YES! This is the best team ever! Here I come Chicago, this is going to be awesome!